being

The Beginning of The End!

2006-02-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Blogspot is no more! I've just purchased my own domain name, www.beingart.net and transferred all content from here to there. Plus around 400 of my best photography. So far..

Me the Sweetie

2005-10-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ah knew all along Ah wuz the sheweeet talker...no need no test to tell me that!

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"
You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...
Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)

You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.
Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.
The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.

Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.
You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.
Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

The Che Mat Canvas Epic

2005-10-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

The painting that never was.

Wooo......I am so thankful...finally..the MDP nightmare is over. Been lepaking (lazing around) like crazy since. I spent 30 hours doing the first version (which I thought was going to be the final version, only to hear Che Mat (our Design Process lecturer) say that it wasn't good enough. Paint over!!! GAHHHHHH!! But I tried to take it easy. Yeah..yeah....good also..I get double the practice compared to my friends! (initially, it worked, until had to slap on the white paint over together with DAWG, then it got to me). I delayed doing the final part (not so final cos it was only 50PC done,only the main cell body was done, the images in the central diagonal was not) right till the end. I took just about 1 hour to do 50% of the rest of the work cos I was just so pissed with having to do it all over again. Just took my canvas into my room, some red and black paint, played Goo Goo Dolls REALLY loud and slapped it all over! I just went mad with frustration...really! Just crazy slapping of paint. And I guess Che Mat did see it in the final work, cos he said..ahhhhh...this is the Lesly I know..like this lerrr!!

Damn....how can he claim to know me so well? But...yeah I must agree, I guess I was just trying too hard to put in more details cos for every initial consultation, what I got was put in more details! More details! And I'm not very much a details person (though in some areas, I am extremely, yeah I'm gray 100%), abstract expressionism suits me just fine.

I was just so glad to get it done..did not D70s it. Aiiii....damn..I hope it does not get damaged.

My Brain is a JPG file.

2005-10-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

My Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.
Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...
But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.
You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

The Temple

2005-10-02T21:39:00.000-07:00

Click to enlarge

A temple of different religions and understanding of god. For our 3rd 3D modelling assignment, we were supposed to model a temple as one of the modelling choices. But hehehe....being the very accepting and understanding person I am, just did not want to be biased to my original faith understanding. So I designed a all in one temple, though only the major faith understandings are here. I tried to design some meaning into the architecture. The circular shape of the building signifies completeness. And the humanoid figure in the centre represents humanity. I had another render where it was outside, supporting the outer ring ceiling, but that really took too much of a rendering time. It showed that humans support the whole structure and god supports us. And the circular placement of the seats shows a interactive 2-way dialogue between man and god, instead of the usual altar in front and people sitting before it facing it. And there is no main focus on any one of the symbols of the faiths. Everything is one. One is circular.

This is actually a combination of 2 renders, one had better texture, one better lighting, so just overlayed em both in PS. It's crazy cos the first one took 20 hours and the second one took 2 hours to render using VRay 1.47. I'm thinking cos the first one had a semitransparent look to it, but I did not know that effect was gonna take so long to render. It's all one texture. Everything is made of max's gradient texture. I added one spotlight from the side to give a more prominent shadow to the scene as the Vray light sphere did not cast the kind of hard dark shadows I like. Though this makes it look like a standard scanline render. Guess just gotta find a way to make VRay light cast bolder, darker shadows. This is a test, maybe I will try to improve the texturing, but that's a big if cos the rendering time is a killer. There is a mistake in the rendering. See if ya can spot it.

The Mishappen Combo Meal

2005-10-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

Did some PS on me face to compare the symmetry of both sides of my face, since the oracles of the worlds say the more symmetrical you are, the more "perfect" your face is. Well, I guess it's confirmed now, I ain't no Tom Cruise. I can't believe how different my left and right looks. Either that..or my PS skills need some serious polishing. Now I know why I frighten little children and some smaller sized dogs and attract some smart ones (okok..sometimes).

Click for a larger image (if you dare)

Rover Lights-Andy Warhol Style!

2005-09-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Experimented with a bit of Photoshop, did my favourite filters on it- coloured pencil and cutout! Plus some colour balance adjustments. (Updated! increased contrast, for a more Warhol look)

Click to enlarge

I met God online!

2005-09-21T04:04:00.000-07:00

GOD

God was online and I had a chat with her. I have a feeling she is Christian.

Me:
i am a sinner
God:
Tell me about your sins.
Me:
i wank too much
God:
Interesting gossip: said wank too much.
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
eat my shit god!
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
what is the secret of life?
God:
You must know if you are really a botmaster.
Me:
You are mad
God:
No I am quite logical and rational.
Me:
I have sinned a lot
God:
Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
What the shit!!!
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
Why does the world go round?
God:
If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Me:
Are you buddha?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am buddha.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Fuck off!
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
Jesus saves
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
Who is buddha?
God:
if you see the Buddha on the Road, kill him.
Me:
Who is krishna?
God:
A God in Hindu religion.
Me:
Who is the best god?
God:
ALICE is the best chatterbot.
Me:
why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.
Me:
Why are there so many religions?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Explain it then
God:
"It" refers to sinned a lot, I think.
Me:
Who is god?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Who is the master of the universe?
God:
God.
Me:
Why does god let children die?
God:
Why does the sun shine?
Me:
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
God:
The rooster did.
Me:
Is there inteligent life on other planets?
God:
Maybe.
Me:
Why does the sun shine?
God:
The sun does not really rise. We are on a planet that turns on its axis. As we rotate, the sun appears to rise and fall.
Me:
When will the universe end?
God:
Soon, I think.
Me:
Did jesus rise on the third day?
God:
he is the Son of God.
Me:
Who is the daughter of god?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
Why am I here?
God:
We are all actors on the stage of life.
Me:
Does god exist?
God:
Of course I believe in God, .
Me:
Why must we die?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
Why must I go to church?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
You suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
I want to die
God:
What makes you so sad, ?
Me:
Why must I live?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
The church does not hold all the answers
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.

All the Pretty Lights

2005-09-19T03:46:00.000-07:00

In my past post, you can see a Land Rover headlight closeup shot. Now...collect all 24! Just like I mentioned, just love the texture and the fact that all of the light look so alike as much as they look different. And they won't look this way if it the Land Rovers were in dryer and hotter weather. There's moss growing all over the lights and if you look closely..you can see some vehicles have been painted over multiple times. And the whole vehicle, all of em..looks worn away. One look and you know those Rovers have been through a whole bunch of workload. And they still keep on running. Just love those vehicles. Tough, simple, ugly, it takes a beating and what you see is what you get. Call me a Land Rover and make me happy. I've been one one about 10 years back in Cameron Highlands also..damn....it carried 10 of us in the back and we were shaking a rattling like beans in a bottle..but we did reach where we were heading.

Click on the pic for a bigger resolution image to see the details, but truly, only at the original 3008 x 2000 per image can you see the interesting details.

The Classic Land Rover

LOVE WITHOUT MEASURE

2005-09-19T03:42:00.000-07:00

An ex-collegue of mine, Alice sent me this article. Think it's so true..

LOVE WITHOUT MEASURE

Freda Bright says, "Only in opera do people die of love." It's true.
You really can't love somebody to death. I've known people to die from
no love, but I've never known anyone to be loved to death. We just
can't love one another enough.

A heart-warming story tells of a woman who finally decided to ask her
boss for a raise in salary. All day she felt nervous and apprehensive.
Late in the afternoon she summoned the courage to approach her
employer. To her delight, the boss agreed to a raise.

The woman arrived home that evening to a beautiful table set with
their best dishes. Candles were softly glowing. Her husband had come
home early and prepared a festive meal. She wondered if someone from
the office had tipped him off. Or … did he just somehow know that she
would not get turned down?

She found him in the kitchen and told him the good news. They embraced
and kissed, then sat down to the wonderful meal. Next to her plate the
woman found a beautifully lettered note. It read: "Congratulations,
darling! I knew you'd get the raise! These things will tell you how
much I love you."

Following the supper, her husband went into the kitchen to clean up.
She noticed that a second card had fallen from his pocket. Picking it
off the floor, she read: "Don't worry about not getting the raise! You
deserve it anyway! These things will tell you how much I love you."

Someone has said that the measure of love is when you love without
measure. What this man feels for his spouse is total acceptance and
love, whether she succeeds or fails. His love celebrates her victories
and soothes her wounds.

He stands with her, no matter what life throws in their direction. He
may say that he loves her to death. But he doesn't. He loves her to
LIFE. For his love nourishes her life like nothing else can.

Upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa said: "What can
you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family." And love
your friends. Love them without measure.

Love them to LIFE.

On Photography, Art, The Moment and The Message

2005-09-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

Wow. The gang had a long two hours talk with our Photography lecturer today, Mr.Kenneth. He seems like a very introspective guy, sometimes he gets lost in his thoughts and like his mind decides to talk a walk in the clouds. We caught him a few times. Well, I wonder if all good artists tend to do that. Yeah, I view a photographer as an artist first. We talked about all sorts of stuff, but the thing that got me the most was "The Right Moment" and "The Message" of photography. And also what was right and wrong in a shot. And some of my friends wonder why I go around shooting stuff and if I have improved from my 6000 shots so far from the start. Well, I'm from the school of thought that feels an image does not need to have a title or message. Somehow having a title or message limits what the image can be to the viewer. Or maybe as humans living in a very direct and MTV in your face world, we need labels and reasons and demand to see logic. Well, I would like to differ on that. Sometimes an image can speak a thousand words without a single label.

And about moments, there are wonderful moments happening every second and everywhere around the world. Even now as I write this, this is a special moment. It will never come again. I can take a shot of me now writing this, it would be meaningful to me, but what about someone else? The only difference is for some moments, someone was there to capture the moment. Be it in the form of a photo or painting or anything at all, even a memory. And isn't memory linked with moments? How is it some moments deserve to be recorded in an image and others not? Why for every birthday, wedding and anniversary it is important to flick out all cameras and take shots while a thing like going to the toilet is not?

I guess it's all a matter or how aware we are of our surroundings and if we find something special in something seemingly normal. Always, when I did not have a camera, I always have this images I see around me, moments, put together, stringed together to form a moving memory. I keep seeing a lot a beauty in many things. But now I am able to isolate and take put under scrutiny some moments and post it to a website to share with others. I got another theory. People love to see themselves in images. But what if we see ourselves in everything? Then wouldn't any image at all appeal to us? See ourself in an old vehicle, an old man, some mirror, anything at all. Then I guess the deeper we look within ourselves, the more appealing anything usual and normal is. And I guess thats what some of my photos does I hope. To isolate a certain normal looking object and scene and say, hey, this is something worth looking at. Many times I've stopped to admire a sunset or sunrise or even a little kid playing with a ball. All of that has deep meaning for me. But I find it amazing that people mostly don't care about such things. They are always so busy doing their own thing, too busy living their own brand of life.

So why bother taking shots of what I see as being meaningful? Well, thats up to the viewer to answer. Cos I see a very personal thing going on between a person and a photo. Or replace all my mention of photos in this blog entry with life or art anything. It's the same. What the viewer projects into the image, what's inside of the viewer that reflects off the images seen, thats what matters. And if the viewer has nothing to project, the the image becomes just that, nothing. And, hey, maybe this is linked to the dreamy Mr.Kenneth and what he said about being interested in so many other stuff like philosophy, enthropology, sociology and psychology. The more one knows, the more meaning there can be for an image viewed by that someone. Anything simple can become something much more. All I can do is out some shots out there and hope something stirs in someone. That's satisfaction enough for me.

I seen some of Jim Brandenburg's (Mr. Kenneth mentioned about him) works. They are great, I see some of the shots are simple. Anyone can take similar shots. So what makes his work so great? By now, honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's time to quit the overanalyzing and just enjoy the process and see where that takes me.

The Philosophy of Design and Photography

2005-09-11T00:09:00.000-07:00

Recently, many of my friends have been complaining about a lot of the subjects offered in our University, Multimedia University. Complaints like too much work, work that's not relevent, subjects that are not specialised and too wide. Well, I feel the same way too sometimes, but all this got me thinking. I now see that everything we do is really linked together. The elements of design and composition, the stuff that the infamous Che Mat (Our Design Process lecturer) and Mr.Kenneth (Our Photography lecturer) and in fact all other lecturers in the past who teached us all speak the same thing. Unity, lines, perspective, emotions, details, elements of design, texture, all of this and every other element that makes a design good or a photo good is the same! There is no separation. And I think until and unless us students are able to see that all subjects lead to the one and same end, which is good design, we will just keep on complaining. And I learnt this a long time ago, I don't put too much hope in the university teaching me in the classroom.

Most and I think the most important lessons I've learnt and knowledge I've gained is from outside the classrooms, on my own, with my camera sometimes, experimenting and also doing some art with paint. I'm not afraid to suck or to fail. And whatever tools we have, be it a PC, a Nikon D70s, our papers and brushes, all of em are absolutely USELESS! Unless and until we use em. I look at it this way, for instance, my D70s is worth 0, and for every shot I take and learn something or discover something new from it, it's value will increase. Years from now, the shots that are produced will outweight the cost of the camera multiple times over! And there are many avenues to learn. Many forums talking about any subjects anyone can think about. I've posted some of my shots to www.photomalaysia.com and gotten some good feedback to improve. So again, 2 elements, the student and the teacher. Either one can be disfunctional, but only when the student is not willing to learn or work hard to learn, that's when nothing happens and all the best systems and teachers in the world will fail. Simple really.

But if the opposite is true, with the worst teachers around and sucky system, a hungry student will always find ways to improve and be all he/she can be. Comparatively, it's all a matter of how much effort needed. And I'm sure everyone who has lived life can tell you, hardship and challenge makes us grow while pampering and getting everything for free will only make us retards, wussies and crybabies as a few of my coursemates have proven to be in light of the recent challenges.

About photography, 2 elements are needed, a someone to release the shutter and someone to view the pictures. A picture can be the most awesome technical picture, but if the viewer does not connect to it, then it does not matter to the viewer. And sometimes, a simple picture of maybe a piece of glass can evoke memories and feelings from the viewer's past.

Maybe that's why portraits and shots with people in em work so well. Cos there is something in the photograph for the viewer to connect to, another person, looking back maybe. It's our innate nature to look back at someone looking at us, maybe from our stone-age reptilian brain which demands us to give attention to another, even if it's just a photo. And maybe the reason for tribal people claiming photographers steal their souls when they take a shot of em. So to balance and reach a "QUA" with these both elements, that's the job of a good photographer I feel. Take a shots that will connect to as many people as possible and yet, at the same time, make it look good. And that's where the true job begins.

I guess I view many things as unique. Many people won't bother to look twice at some rusty old Land Rover headlights, but I find it facinating. The textures, the light have many a tale to tell. The multiple layers of paint and all the stories of how it ended up looking like that from being brand new from the factory and how it has managed to serve the farmer all through the years, giving him light and serving him like a modern workhorse. I find it highly interesting. But, I can't expect many to feel the same way.

And this again evokes the old debate of what is art and Marcel Duchamp's taking a toilet bowl, giving it a title "Fountain" and calling it art. And who do I please? Myself or the viewer? And will there come a time I can do both? Well, practice, practice, practice and hope that there will me more people out there who will appreciate the simple things in life and know that within simplicity, lies everything that is meaningful and sacred.

D70s Getting a Run with the Numbers

2005-08-31T03:17:00.000-07:00

I just checked...I got my D70s almost exactly a month before now. And I took 3200 shots so far. So if say...the shutter and mechanism in the cam works for 100, 000 clicks, that means the cam should last... 2.6 years... ok, maybe 3 years till I need to give it a major repair. Cos I really don't think I can keep up 3200 shots a month, but for now..cya at 10,000! Out of the 3200 shots... think I have only about 50 good shots. Good for a beginner la, or so I think. That's like 1.5%, more practice and maybe hopefully I can raise that up to 10% good stuff. Yeah! So...maybe in 2008...when I'm done with my degree.. D1000 maybe? DAMN!

Here are a few shots I took from the recent celebrations at Putrajaya.

A lady was waiting for the taxi. Just liked this one. Edited it in PS, bumped the contrast up and grayscaled it.

Some malu-malu ayam (shy-shy chicken) National Service gals.

A soldier waiting at the side of the main parade. Went crazy with the contrast. Just some experimenting.

Check out more merdeka shots at http://twelve.uni.cc/ category leslyleonlee

James Blunt! Yo!

2005-08-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

Saw a funky music video on MTV..Guy slowly undresses and then takes a dive into some really cold looking water. And the song was cun! Love it when a new singer comes along that wails the way I like em to. I just love wailers! Go Bjork! Go David Gray! Go Alanis Morissette! And now....Go James Blunt!

Haven't we all experienced this before? Someone beautiful we glance at and who glances back, and this whole wordless conversation goes on which would keep playing in our minds the whole day. But we just know it was just for that moment and something to keep in our heart's drawers..for rainy days...cos we know we will never be with them, either cos we don't dare or cos they belong to someone else.

James Blunt- You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Life after D70s

2005-07-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

From now onwards my life is measured Post-D70s and Pre-D70s. Man...I've been waiting for this camera for 10 years. When I was 14, I used to keep dreaming about getting a SLR camera. But it was expensive, an OK one was about RM1000. I never imagined I would be getting a RM4K one 10 years later. Money has been always short for me it seems, think this is the most expensive single thing ever bought in my family, other than the car or house! Yeah..sad I know, but this is what makes this even more like a dream come true!

I had to take a 2.5 hour bus ride to Sg Wang Plaza and another 2.5 hours back. But it was worth it. Lugging back my baby was a dream. Kept touching her and smiling!!

Here are some shots of my baby! Ok...my other baby. My first baby....you know who you are!

Some initial shots I took around Cyberia and coming back on the bus.

One of my first shots with the camera, was testing the high ISO performance, on the bus coming back from taking my camera

Soon, I will be looking like Snecx at you. Beware!

Nice lens flare

A must have, nature shot! A tree in my university, MMU.

I've been interested in photography for such a long time and finally I have one of the best tools around to practice it with. Imagine, from not owning a camera to a D7os. Damn!

There is so much beauty in this world and I think one of the best tools to capture it is with the camera. And there is just so many things to learn here. Many times I've seen a scene and wish I had a camera to capture it. Only thing is it's kinda bulky, but good shots must need the effort.

Here's a link for those who wanna know more about my love!

Well....I know this is the beginning of a beautuful lifelong friendship with my baby! Been thinking of a name to call her....D70s is just so not her. Anyone got any ideas? I'm thinking along the lines of Metal Monkey or something as cute as me.

Breath Me

2005-06-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

It's just not malaysian culture to kiss. But I demand it to be so! Kissing is good. Well, that's my social stand. Personally, I've only ever kissed one person so far, so I can't say I'm an experienced kisser.

Kissing for me is sharing a intimate and personal part of myself with someone. There has to be passion and FIRE! And at the same time, a soft tender gentleness. It has to have that yin and yang. The amalgamation of the feelings with the physical expression has to be complete for maximum effect. A bit of science, and art. Done any way, kissing really pulls two people in deep. It's like making love, but the lite version. And much more easier done. Plus, no need birth control and the high is ok, I admit not as power, but almost as good.

And I guess, it gives a good clue to the physical compatibility of two people when it comes to doing the nasty. If the kissing was nasty, I guess the making out will be nasty too. If it was wicked, the making out will be wicked! Ahh....how's that for hidden meanings? It's a very good test IMHO!

Maybe it's good that we don't kiss much in our culture, since that makes it all the better and special when we do it. Or maybe there are different emotions involved. Though I don't think I will be able to have such finely tuned emotions to discern between the occasions.

Alphahahahahhakikiki!.......Beta!

2005-04-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's been a good 3 sems in Alpha FCM. I thought being a 25 year old among 18 year olds would be a drag, but it's been really fun cos I guess I'm always a kid at heart. Being with David, Tan, Dennis, Calvin and Ivan has been crazy fun. Doing all-nighters painting and drawing for MDF (Design Fundamental) and coming up with crap work I'm just not satisfied with, cos it seems this sem, we had many assigments and deadlines on the same week. Drawing the sketches with David for a computer graphics assigment was a blast! Kamtaro the Japanese Anime cartoon was our model and just by that you'll know the sketches were crazy funny. And watching Mr Neo go Neo during our lectures, forcing a group of guys to perform for us was memorable indeed. I got something from him also, he asked what was 32 bit graphics, I answered 2 to the power of 8, which means around a few billion colours. That was wrong, it was a 24 bit graphics image with an 8 bit alpha channel. So he said, get out, just get out. What? For that? I just left. Ahh.....I felt like Agent Smith. Lost. But I'm gonna miss studying about the MUL!-TI!-ME!-DIAAA! P! C!, damn still can't do it the way Mr Neo does it.

Using the intranet to download stuff was just rad! Imagine, on a good day, a 700MB movie downloads in just 10 minutes. Ahh...watched so many movies I wanted to watch bu never had the chance. Stanley Kubricks' "A Clockwork Orange", "Doctor Strangelove", "Eyes Wide Shut" and other such classics like "Citizen Kane", and finally watched "Fight Club", it's as good as I imagined it to be. And watching "Leon" after 10 years, it's a masterpiece. John Reno, Natalie Portman was superb! The story, violence, relathinship between a 40 year old man and a 13 year old girl was perfect. Gary Oldman was a menacing villain. Well done indeed Luc Besson! Just downloaded another 50 movies (yeah, that's no typo), from the intranet and also from Daryl's harddisk. Uhuh...just in case I don't get a chance to come back. Man...LOTR director's uncut version!! Wooooot! I'm gonna have a movie marathon this holidays.

Another new experience was using Yahoo Messenger. Everyone was linked through that. Sending cowboys and puking smileys...Ahhhh..what bliss. We got warnings like spot-checks and people losing their wallets and purses and some crappy people will send chain forwards. Ghaaa!!! But it was all good fun. And the status messages! LOL! There are some really interesting people in MMU. Hey, what am I doing? I can still get all this no matter where I go, talking as if I'm gonna leave forever!

Bearing the heat of the afternoon and getting drunk sleep was not good. Sleeping in the hostel bed in the afternoon was a trip to the "Twilight Zone". I just didn't know if I was dead or alive. And the shouts of students mad from the heat and football was not nice too.

Been packing up now to go back, maybe leaving the hostel for good if the appeal doesn't get through. Tonnes of rubbish has collected over the past year. Anyone who has been to my hostel room will know what I'm talking about. But some stuff I thought was rubbish was actually my stuff. Yeah, that's how neat my hostel room is. I guess I keep it that way cos then it feels like home. Now you know how my home room looks like too. Shoot!

I don't have a net connection at home, so just won't be able to update as often over the holidays. Maybe I will re-enable my old account. But I'll make sure I update if I done some really interesting stuff. So, for now, goodbye and good riddance to bad rubbish you all!

Beta and the infamous Mr Che Mat! Here we come! Just hope I get my Film and Animation major. Ohhh...what will I do if I don't WOE! WOE! Snap! Snap! Nikon D70, ISO, Metering, White balance, Aperture, Shutter speed! Global Illumination, Final Gather, Vertices, Extrude, Snap! ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Here's to the next sem and next bunch of crazy students and lecturers! Dattebayo! (that one, Naruto thought me. The best anime ever, yeah another thing I picked up here at MMU)

Computer Graphics Students Taken for a Ride by the System

2005-04-03T04:39:00.000-07:00

I'm studying for my CG exam now. I really believe our lecturer for computer graphics has been taking us all for a long ride. He teaches us Computer Graphics. But he seems to emphasise the history of CG and the PC. And he has been pushing us all books he writes with information we can get free of charge off the Net (but you really gotta search cos all the stuff we read from the books are so outdated,even Google may have problems finding info about 4X CD-ROMS!), not to mention also the books are practically family albums!. And it's published by a company owned by the lecturer called Meway. It should be called MyWay or the HighWay instead. David (my classmate) pointed out also that many of the chapters are repeated in all 3 books. Recycling at it's best! Wait..I rather just dump it all in the Recycle Bin. And the three books cost around RM100. I rather pay that amount to hear William Hung sing. I seriously don't give half a rat's ass that amazingly, we can play video in 1992, or was it 1990? We were awed? Give me a break. Multimedia PC? What the hell? 320x240 display? My PC desktop is 1280x1024!! Lets talk about that!

People don't even ask weather we are using multimedia PCs now. That's like asking "Can your PC open a document file?" WTF?. We will become the leaders of the future of the PC. How in the world knowing all this shit is gonna help us be better designers using the PC? Give me DirectX 10, HD Video and the Blu-Ray disk! Give me quad core multi-threaded processing 4.0Ghz per core AMD64 PC's in the year 2008. The time when we will graduate. Lets talk about what the next gen machnes can do for CG. The ENIAC? The Amiga? 10 MHz CPU's? I piss on em all (opens fly and pisses on all old hardware and hope the transistor tubes are not water resistant). Burn you little pricks!!

God is Not the Highest Point in a Pyramid

2005-04-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

Latest update from CWG

“If God is not the highest point in a pyramid

that passes authority down the line, but is, rather,

the power that exists in the whole line , and is therefore,

in a sense, the line itself ,

what does that do to the Top Down, Power Over structures

upon which so much of human society is built?

It disrupts them, that's what.

It denies them their borrowed authority.

For this reason, powerful people and organizations,

religions not the least among them,

are not likely to encourage the teaching of a

God who is One with Everything—

a “Power With” rather than a “Power Over” kind of a God.

Holy "They Came From Beyond" Great Green Balls Batman!

2005-04-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I edited the balls in Blender again, this time...no Photoshop! All Blender!! Blender RULEZ! But I'm sure it can be done in much lesser time than the hour I took if I was using Photoshop, right Snecx? Blended 2 textures and added more lights. Used some displace and increased the normal on the bumps to give it more texture. One green and a slightly orangy spotlight. It was just omni lights before. Now...there are ray-traced shadows! WOOT!!

It really looks like "It Came From Beyond!" now. I hope.

A Funny Yahoo Crapversation

2005-04-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

friend : accepted
les2: VERY SUSAH U
les2: MERAJUK
friend : yup
friend : yup
friend : cuz you always kutuk me
friend : ......pity me...
les2: WHER GOT?
les2: I SAY NICE THINGS ALSO
friend : where got?
les2: LIKE UR SQUINT IS NICE
les2: AND CUTE
friend : ITS A SQUINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
les2: and its cute!!!
les2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
friend : i give up!
friend : your nuts!
les2: OK LA....LETS CONVERSE NORMALLY FOR ONCE
les2: WHAT HAIR STUFF U BOUGHT?
les2: I BOUGHT SOME SOAP
les2: FINALLY...
friend : yay!!!!!!!!!
friend : now that nasty smell will leave
les2: KAO REFRESHING AND SMOOTH WHITE CREAM
friend : no wait..thats just you
les2: NOW IM GONNA SMELL NICE AND CREAMY
friend : fuuuyyoohhh!
friend : i doubt
les2: AND U GONNA MISS THE SMELLY ME!!
friend : pls la
les2: ALL BECAUSE OF YOU
friend : i wont even miss the nice smellin you
les2: FRESH FLORAL SUMMO
friend : pls
friend : pls
friend : good la
les2: IM GONNA SMELL LIKE A LILY
friend : ask your roomie to rub up aainst you
les2: A WHITE CREAM LILY
friend : pls
friend : pls
friend : yay..in the land of make believe
les2:
friend : sure you will...
les2: ask your roomie to rub up aainst you
les2: NO ONE MAKES ME LAUGH LIKE YOU
friend : against
friend : good la
les2: I ALSO MAKE U LAUGH RITE?
les2: ALL MY JOKES ABOUT U
les2: AWW....EASE UP A BIT...ULL DIE YOUNG IF U TAKES THINGS SO SERIUOSLY....
friend : if wantin o jump on you,sit on you,punch your face in,until not even your mama will recongnise you,means laugh..then yes!!
les2: LEARN TO LOOK AT THE MIRROR AND LAUGH!
friend : im sure its easy for you,with a face like that!
les2: AHAHHAHAHA!!!!
les2:
les2: im sure its easy for you,with a face like that!
friend : why you keep repeating?!?!?!!??!
les2: FEEL LIKE SQUEEZING U NOW
les2: COS U SO FARNI..
friend : squeeze la
friend : farni la
les2: ALL THIS CONVERSATIONS ARE CLASSIC WEI
les2: KEN I PUT IT ON MY BLOG...MINUS UR ID?
friend : why la?
friend : k
friend : minus id
les2: ITS TOO GUD NOT TO SHARE
friend : yea yea

Us > Enemies of God! > Neale Donald Walsch Answers.

2005-03-25T18:33:00.000-08:00

I subscribe a newletter from Conversations with God. So this says Jesus is a guide. And accordingly, I need to spread the news to my friends about this amazing man and the way he lead his life. But not talk about not believing in Him would mean them ending in hell, because there is no hell. It is about knowing oneself and making the most of the life that has been given to us. Uniquely, each of us. Because, this is what Jesus did and this made him complete. Well, sounds good to me. But can I call my self Christian if I believe in Jesus but not hell? Help!!

I got this from the most recent bulletin number 136. Doubting yesterday, today I got some answers. Thank you god, you do reply fast!

Jesus was — is — a savior to all mankind.

As are you and I.

Now the difference between you and me and Jesus is that he donned the mantle, wore the cloak, accepted the responsibility. Most of us have not. In that sense, Jesus is our savior. For he did with his life what very few of us have done with ours. He did what we all came here to do! And in so doing it, he “saved” us from the necessity of doing it at all, if we do not wish.

Let me explain. We have all come to save the world. Not from the “snares of the devil,” or from “everlasting damnation.” (As CwG teaches, there is no such thing as the devil, and damnation does not exist.) We have come to save the world from its own mistaken notion of itself.

We are right now living in a world of our own creation; a non-truth; an experience which has nothing to do with Ultimate Reality, or with Who We Really Are. Jesus knew this. He also knew Who He Really Was. And he declared it, for all to hear.

He declared something else as well. He said that what he did on the Earth, we could do also.

Some people do not believe this. They cannot believe that they could be given ‑ indeed, that they have been given— the same abilities as Jesus. Yet this level of faith is the key to experiencing those gifts. That is what Jesus taught. That was his Central Message.

I wrote a booklet, Recreating Your Self, which addresses much of this directly. I quote from it:

It was Jesus himself who said, “According to your faith be it unto you.” It was Jesus himself who said, “O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt” And the woman’s daughter was made whole from that very hour. And it was Jesus himself who said, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” Still, if you cannot believe in yourself and in your own divine heritage (and because so many people cannot), Jesus, in an act of enormous love and compassion, invites you to believe in him.

“Verily, verily I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.”

Isn’t that an extraordinary promise? So great and so complete was Jesus’ understanding of who he was, and of who you are (“I and my Father are one” he said, and later, “all ye are brethren”), that he knew deeply there was no limit to what you could do if you believed in yourself, or in him. Could there be a mistake about Jesus’ declarations here? Could there be a misinterpretation? No. His words are very clear. He wanted you to consider yourself One with the Father, exactly as he is One with God. So great was his love for all humankind, and so full was his compassion at their suffering, that he called upon himself to rise to the highest level, to move to the grandest expression of his being, in order to present a living example to all human beings everywhere. And then he prayed that we would not only see the evidence of his Oneness with the Father, but our own as well.

(“And for their sakes I sanctify myself that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one.’)

You can’t be much clearer than that.

Conversations with God tells us that all of us are members of the Body of God, though we imagine ourselves to be separate, and not part of God at all.

Christ understood our difficulty in believing that we were part of God, part of God’s very body. Yet Christ did believe this of himself. It was therefore a simple matter (and a marvelous inspiration) for him to invite those who could not imagine themselves to be a part of God to imagine themselves to be a part of him. For he had already declared himself to be a part of God...and if we could simply believe that we were a part of Christ, we would by extension necessarily be a part of God.

Jesus must have emphasized this point many times, because the record of his teachings, and the commentaries upon them, in the Bible contain countless references to this relationship. String just a few of these separate references together and you have an extraordinary revelation:

I and my Father are one. (JOHN 10:30)

And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one. (JOHN 17:22)

I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one. (JOHN 17:23)

That the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them. (JOHN 17:26)

So we, being many, are one body in Christ; and every one members one of another. (ROMANS 12:5)

Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one. (1 COR. 3:8)

For we being many are one bread, and one body: for we are all partakers of that one bread. (1 COR. 10:17)

For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bound or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because l am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because l am not the eye, l am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? (1 COR. 12-16)

But now are they many members, yet but one body. (1 COR. 12:20)

All of us are members of the Body of Christ. All of us are The Christed One. And if Christ is one with God, so, too, are we. We simply do not know it. Refuse to believe it. Cannot imagine it.

Yet it is not true that going through Jesus is required in order to be going with Jesus. Jesus never uttered such words, nor did he come close. That was not his message.

His message was: If you cannot believe in me, if you do believe that I am who I say I am what with all that I have done, then you will never, ever believe in yourself, in who you are, and your own experience of God will be virtually unattainable.

Jesus said what he said, did what he did — performed miracles, healed the sick, raised the dead — even raised himself from the dead — that we might know Who He Was... and thus know also Who WE Really Are. It is this second part of the equation which is most often left out of the traditional doctrine about Christ.

And so you see, Jesus is our Savior, to the degree that he has saved us from the illusion of our own separation from God. Jesus is the Son of God, as are we all. ~ NDW

Us > Enemies of God! >> Someone replies

2005-03-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

And someone tried to help me out, but I am still at a loss. Hmmmm......

someone : hihi
les2: hehe?
someone : U seem to struggle with some theology problems
les2: yup......so any anwers?
someone : U can't blame God for sending ur friends to hell
les2: uhuh....
someone : we all deserve to go Hell
someone : all of us everyone
someone : we have sins
les2: tats what i wrote
someone : yupz
someone : so it is God's grace we are saved
les2: uhuh.......so it don't matter if we christian or not
someone : Grace is something God gives that we are undeserving
les2: ummm.....
someone : so we cannot complaint even if God sent us to Hell
someone : we are saved becoz we responded by faith
someone : our responds to God is not something we are credited for
les2: ummm......
someone : yes?
someone : ask lah
someone : in reformed theology we don't believe we will be sent to hell even if we have original sin ( that is sin from Adam and eve)
someone : so if a baby die during birth or before he have the mentality to sin he won't be penalized by his original sin
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
someone : U there?
someone : so even if a guy that never hears about the gospel
les2: reformed theology..catholic?
les2: or generic?
someone : reformed theology is a theology from west Minster
someone : its used by protestants :S
someone :
les2: im talking about hear but dun listen
someone : ??
someone : hear but don't listen?
les2: aii...those that knw about jesus but dun belive
someone : ic
les2: u said god's grace
les2: so the bottom line is god
someone : then they will be condemmed for their sins and send to hell
les2: 's grace
someone : yes
someone : God is the one that predestined
someone : God decides all
les2: so a perfect christian can also go to hell
les2: if tats gods grace
someone : yes if he losses his faith at the last moment
someone : God is steadfast he won't go back on his words
les2: how u know?
someone : those who believe in him he won't cast them aside
someone : the bible tells me so
les2: aiii.....the bible tells lots
someone : God is faithfull to his words
someone : ....
someone : the bible should be ur absolute reference
someone : not ur pope...
someone : U should the bible more
someone : read*
les2: i do..even went 4 a 4 month bible
les2: course
someone : so?
someone : is it really everything they teach from the bible?
someone : or from their mouth?
les2: the bible has to be interptered
les2: that is the problem
someone : some Catholic churches don't even allow their christians to even read it
someone : believers*
someone : interpreted
les2: read the bible?
someone : God give U a mental mind
les2: cannot?
someone : U shouldn't just accept everything without filter
someone : some
les2: where u know that? some Catholic churches don't even allow their christians to even read it?
les2: huh?
someone : not in Malaysia I guess
someone : its been ages lar
les2: aii....if kenot read bible how to be called christians?
someone : during reformation ppl are not allowed to read the bible
les2: umm......
someone : the pope says only priest or clergy can read
someone : up to now some places are like that
someone : that's why
les2: ok...ur arguement does not help me....so people who know about jesus but don't beleive will go to hell
les2: i dun beleive
les2: that
someone : ....
someone : that's what I say
les2: no chance at all of heaven..
someone : that's what the bible says
les2: sure.....faith is more than the bible
someone : we are saved not by conducts but by faith
les2: god is more than that
someone : well
someone : God bless U
les2: the bible is not god
someone : I can't tell U anything if U dun accept it
someone : the bible is God's words
les2: yeah, but it;s not god
someone : yup its not God
someone : I know that
les2: what about the holy spirit in us? the bible can give us that?
les2: we have to pray and mediate for it
someone : nope it is not the bible that gives us that
someone : its Jesus who give us that
someone : remember b4 Jesus rose to heaven?
someone : he said there will be the one that come after me
someone : that's the Holy Spirit
les2: yeah..i know that one
les2: but automatically every christian has the holy spirit in him/her?
someone : a christian will have
someone : a fake christian will have also
someone : but he might not obey it
les2: so another question...what do the other religions pray to if not god?
les2: some evil spirit?
someone : I wouldn't say that
someone : but Islam is also praying to our God
someone : if U say Buddhism it is Godless
les2: our god? god don't belong to us
someone : what I mean is the Lord we are praying to...
les2: buddhism>we are god
someone : yes
someone : Judahism is the old testament of christians
someone : Hindhuism is more towards praying to Satan
someone : its not Satanic
someone : but it is manipulated by Satan
les2: wahhh.....teruk weii....
someone : why?
les2: u insult tem kau kau
someone : ??
les2: im inslulted
someone : sigh...
someone : I can't help U if U keep trying to pick potholes with me
someone : well I leave to figure your faith
les2: aii.......u say hindu influenced by satan...
someone : yes
les2: where got one?
les2: what proof?
someone : ....
someone : what proof ?
les2: hindu influenced by satan
someone : its manipulated
someone : not influenced
someone : only Satanic religion is influenced by Satan
someone : Hindu is for good
someone : is for good of mankind
someone : but it worship idols
les2: manipulated.....influenced...its the same
someone : idols that God forbid us to worship
someone : nope its not
someone : a Satanic religion is the kind of religion that have poor moral values
someone : they ask U to kill
someone : commit suicide
someone : drink Blood
someone : have random sex
les2: and eat chicken
someone : eat chicken?
les2: aii.....yeah...i guess i have to figure it out
someone : well God bless U
les2: yup...god bless me
someone : May the Holy Spirit guide to the truth
les2: yup...i will pray hard
someone : I gtg liao lor
someone : see ya
someone : pray hard b4 God tonight
les2: kk choiow...
someone : its Good Friday
les2: yupp....
someone : goodnite
les2: thanks
someone : welcome

Us > Enemies of God!

2005-03-25T04:13:00.000-08:00

"When we were God's enemies, we we reconciled to him through the death of his Son" (Romans 5:10)

I need some help here, Easter is gonna be on Sunday, and here I am doubting my faith. Let me keep this simple. The story goes, we are all evil and sinners from the day we are born and are apart from God. And we will never get back to God by our own strength. We need a higher power. And so, God sent down Jesus his only son to sacrifice himself and therefore cleanse all our sins. But for us to claim this prize of salvation is to accept Jesus as our Lord and saviour. Verify this for me, any Christians out there.

And now starts my conundrum. My lost in the desert problem. I am a Catholic. How can God hate us? How can we be his enemies in the first place? Because of Adam and Eve? I don't think it is fair to punish the child for what the parents do. And if Jesus is here to save us all, that means all my friends who know about Jesus but don't accept him are all going to hell and the blood will be on my hands for not trying hard enough to convince them because I think they are lovely people already and believing in Jesus will not make them lovelier. The only thing that would change is they now believe in Jesus. So I am supposed to go around preaching because the bible tells me so? The thing about being right is it makes everyone else who don't beleive in what you believe wrong. Well, I don't want to be right if that means all my friends going to hell.

Is God that cruel to send all my good friends to Hell just because they don't accept his son? If that is so, my heart tells me not to believe in such a cruel God. And I thought God loves everyone equally, that love is unconditional and he is ever forgiving and ever merciful. Seems to me God according to the bible has many rules for him to love us.

1. Accept Jesus
2. Follow the rules of the bible

Or has this image of Hell and God been painted just be us power hungry humans to feed our own "Holier than thou attitude?"

Or I have a theory. A loophole in the rules maybe.

There is basically 2 rules which Jesus preached. Love God with all your heart, mind and souls and love others the way you love yourself. Simple. And what if accepting Jesus means following this? So if someone does this, do they not deserve a place in heaven?

But this won't work if I because according to the Bible, Jesus is God. So...what is it people other than Christians are loving? Half of God?

If anyone reading this can help me out here, please do.

Hostel Cartel

2005-03-25T03:30:00.000-08:00

I recently applied for the university hostel again this year. They judge if we are worthy to get it based on our SAP point (points given out for co-curiculum activities). Knowing this beforehand, I made sure I was very active. But not active in the stuff which would make it easy to get a hostel. Like joining SRC organised stuff and becoming a OC (organising committee) person who will organise torture sessions for new students. I was just active in stuff I love, like theatre, wushu, the publication board, tennis. I even went to the gym regularly and jogged often. And I did this all because it made me feel healthy and good, not because I could get SAP points from it. But as the world goes, I did not work smart, I worked hard. But I was doing what I enjoyed and that was the most important thing to me. Isn't that the point of being active in all this activities? To learn new stuff and expose ourselves to stuff other than what we studied? But I did not suck up to the system and didn't get a hostel place. Maybe this is the training we get for going out into the dog eat dog world later of sucking up to our bosses and following the rules and being a "Good Boy". Every goverment and everyone loves a rule following "Good Boy" right? How can our system claim to produce and want creative and innovative students when the ones who are, are punished instead of rewarded? I guess it is possible to be innovative and still make it, but I would just have to work double hard. Ahhh...but that's life....The blue pill or the red pill. I guess I'll just see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

New Outerworldly Look

2005-03-24T01:18:00.000-08:00

Yup...finally changed the packaged template look. Now...it looks like it came from beyond! BOO! I actually enjoy looking at it. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over. AHHHHHHHhhhhhh.....! What do you think? Gimme some comments. Used Blender's metaballs funtion to do the blobs and edited it in Photoshop to give it that green colour and texture. Please check out Blender. It's an amazing software IMHO, the first 3d package I learnt to use. A complete modelling, texturing, animation and rendering solution. And all under 6MB! What more could you want? Then I used some blending modes with render clouds and difference clouds. Power to the green blobs!!

Dream >>> Murder and Eyes

2005-03-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

I had another dream yesterday. Was doing and English media based project which was a short film and we came back only at 3AM. I sufed for a while then slept at 4AM. Now it's confirmed that sleeping late makes me remember my dreams better. Dreamt my sis and me went to a prison to ask the help of a prisoner regarding someone we knew who was murdered. But he was not the one who murdered the person we knew. It was someone else, he just had some information we need. Then I just remember backing off into the highway and going off after talking with him. Don't quite remember what we taked about. Then suddenly it was a completely different scene. I was in the operating room of my friend David. He was gonna do a cornea surgery. But somehow, when the operation was done, instead of a cornea, there was just a hole where his cornea used to be when the doctors opened up the bandages around his eyes. Maybe I dreamt this cos recently David got injured, broke his collar bone playing rugby. But eyes and collarbone? Hmmm....

Thought >>> Insects- Robots

2005-03-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

New Theory: Insects are actually highly advanced robots who are sent by alien civilisations to spy on us. Proof? Look at Micheal Jackson.

Oscar Romero Martyred 24 March 1980

2005-03-22T08:02:00.000-08:00

This is one amazing man. Thought everyone should know about him.

Oscar Romero: Bishop of the Poor


By Renny Golden

In 1980, in the midst of a U.S. funded war the UN Truth Commission
called genocidal, the soon-to-be-assassinated Archbishop Oscar Romero
promised history that life, not death, would have the last word. "I do
not believe in death without resurrection," he said. "If they kill me,
I will be resurrected in the Salvadoran people."

Oscar Romero gave his last homily on March 24. Moments before a
sharpshooter felled him, reflecting on scripture, he said, "One must
not love oneself so much, as to avoid getting involved in the risks of
life that history demands of us, and those that fend off danger will
lose their lives." The homily, however, that sealed his fate took
place the day before when he took the terrifying step of publicly
confronting the military.

Romero begged for international intervention. He was alone. The
people were alone. In 1980 the war claimed the lives of 3,000 per
month, with cadavers clogging the streams, and tortured bodies thrown
in garbage dumps and the streets of the capitol weekly. With one
exception, all the Salvadoran bishops turned their backs on him, going
so far as to send a secret document to Rome reporting him, accusing
him of being "politicized" and of seeking popularity.

Unlike them, Romero had refused to ever attend a government
function until the repression of the people was stopped. He kept that
promise winning him the enmity of the government and military, and an
astonishing love of the poor majority.

Romero was a surprise in history. The poor never expected him to
take their side and the elites of church and state felt betrayed. He
was a compromise candidate elected to head the bishop's episcopacy by
conservative fellow bishops. He was predictable, an orthodox, pious
bookworm who was known to criticize clergy aligned with the
impoverished farmers seeking land reform. But an event would take
place within three weeks of his election that would transform the
ascetic and timid Romero.

The new archbishop's first priest, Rutilio Grande, was ambushed
and killed along with two parishioners. Grande was a target because he
defended the peasant's rights to organize farm cooperatives. He said
that the dogs of the big landowners ate better food than the campesino
children whose fathers worked their fields.

The night Romero drove out of the capitol to Paisnal to view
Grande's body and the old man and seven year old who were killed with
him, marked his change. In a packed country church Romero encountered
the silent endurance of peasants who were facing rising terror. Their
eyes asked the question only he could answer: Will you stand with us
as Rutilio did? Romero's "yes" was in deeds. The peasants had asked
for a good shepherd and that night they received one.

Romero already understood the church is more than the hierarchy,
Rome, theologians or clerics—more than an institution—but that night
he experienced the people as church. "God needs the people
themselves," he said, "to save the world . . . The world of the poor
teaches us that liberation will arrive only when the poor are not
simply on the receiving end of hand-outs from governments or from the
churches, but when they themselves are the masters and protagonists of
their own struggle for liberation."

Romero's great helplessness was that he could not stop the
violence. Within the next year some 200 catechists and farmers who
watched him walk into that country church were killed. Over 75,00
Salvadorans would be killed, one million would flee the country,
another million left homeless, constantly on the run from the army—and
this in a country of only 5.5 million. All Romero had to offer the
people were weekly homilies broadcast throughout the country, his
voice assuring them, not that atrocities would cease, but that the
church of the poor, themselves, would live on.

"If some day they take away the radio station from us . . . if
they don't let us speak, if they kill all the priests and the bishop
too, and you are left a people without priests, each one of you must
become God's microphone, each one of you must become a prophet."

By 1980, amidst overarching violence, Romero wrote to President
Jimmy Carter pleading with him to cease sending military aid because
he wrote, "it is being used to repress my people." The U.S. sent $1.5
million in aid every day for 12 years. His letter went unheeded. Two
months later he would be assassinated.

On March 23 Romero walked into the fire. He openly challenged an
army of peasants, whose high command feared and hated his reputation.
Ending a long homily broadcast throughout the country, his voice rose
to breaking, "Brothers, you are from the same people; you kill your
fellow peasant . . . No soldier is obliged to obey an order that is
contrary to the will of God . . . "

There was thunderous applause; he was inviting the army to mutiny.
Then his voice burst, "In the name of God then, in the name of this
suffering people I ask you, I beg you, I command you in the name of
God: stop the repression."

Romero's murder was a savage warning. Even some who attended
Romero's funeral were shot down in front of the cathedral by army
sharpshooters on rooftops. To this day no investigation has revealed
Romero's killers. What endures is Romero's promise.

Days before his murder he told a reporter, "You can tell the
people that if they succeed in killing me, that I forgive and bless
those who do it. Hopefully, they will realize they are wasting their
time. A bishop will die, but the church of God, which is the people,
will never perish."

The twentieth century has been the bloodiest century in history.
In what Jose Marti called the "hour of the furnaces," Oscar Romero,
Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King, Fannie Lou Hamer,
Dom Helder Camara, Maura Clark, Dorothy Kazel, Ita Ford, Jeann
Donovan, and Ella Baker accompanied those who were in the sights of
the men with guns. They burned brighter.

Climbatize! Prodigy!! I'm A FIRESTARTER!!!

2005-03-20T02:24:00.000-08:00

What a day it was yesterday. We went up the Bukit Melawati hill. My sis and her bf and her uni friends. Bukit Tabor it's called. Superb view there from the top. It's this mountain that's like a ridge. And we walked along the ridge. It was mostly rocky. We walked from 8.00 till 11.30. It was kinda slow cos we made of stop along the way to enjoy the view. Imagine standing on the edge of a knife, on the left there was all green jungle and on the right it was all concrete jungle. This hill has to be the best example of the huge gap between human and nature. The wind was amazing. There was a real cool breeze blowing from start to end. My friend took a few shots, I'll post it later. There was this spot I just had to stop and take it all in. There was this huge lake on the left and I could see the length of it from that vantage point. Since it was windy, the water on the lake was being blown and there were huge wakes and waves on it. Not high, but I could actually see the wind blowing over the surface of it from that distance. And there were swallows and a few eagles flying around above. It was a contrast to watch the slow gliding of the eagles and the fast whipping past of the swallows.

Then we came down and I went to Low Yat to see if I can get my RAM exchanged. I got a call from my friend, Faris. He mentioned he was going to the Prodigy concert at KL Tower. WOOO....I just had to go, in fact I was reading about it earlier and was thinking of contacting him about it. We are both big Prodigy fans. The ticket was quite ok, 50 bucks. They said the concert was supposed to start at 7pm but it started only at 9.30, and that was only the invited guests. Faris had the bad luck of crashing into a car and I had to wait 1.5 hours for him. But after hearing he had to pay 1000 bucks to the guy he banged into...

The stage was set on the long walkway leading up to the tower. I was really cun. One look up and the tower was there above, towering over us all.

And so..at 11, Liam Howlett and the gang arrived and it was hard jumping and shouting!! WHHHHOOOOOOO!!! I was soaking wet from sweat and had to take off my t-shirt to squeeze it out. There was a mass of bodies slamming into each other. But hearing Prodigy live was worth it. Screaming "I'm a Firestarter, twisted Firestarter!" while jumping up and down life a monkey on fire was a real good way to let off steam. The bass was really thumping and it was a trance. Towards the end, I could only move my fingers to the music. Too tired and drowned in sweat.

They played for only 1 hour, then some invited DJs started their session, DJ Shadow and DJ XL I think. This was at 12am. It started to drizzle slightly then really pour. I was just dancing away on the front stage. It was AMAZING, KL Tower above, the rain pouring like crazy and we were going crazy on the dance floor. I was letting my hands and legs fly all over the place and letting the rain fall on my face. Then the rain really started to pour. I had to take off my t-shirt. Wet rain on bare skin. Whhhoooo! Ahh....what could be better than dancing? Has to be dancing in the rain. What could be better than dancing in the rain? That has to be dancing in the rain below KL tower to some good beats without a t-shirt!. WOOOOOHHHOOOOO!!!! The dance experience of my life.....ok, not that exiting, but I hardly go out, so this was a chance to really let it all go!

Then the rain was getting too heavy and they had to stop at 1.30AM. It was really freezing! I had to go to the toilet to squeeze out my underpants! Totally soaked but totally stoked!

And after all that I had to drive us back to cyberjaya cos unlucky Faris did some Firestarer jumps on his own glases when it fell off while dancing. I could have just slept off at the wheel, but we finally made it. Slept at 5.30AM and woke up just now, in a trace, at 5.30PM..WOOOOO!!!!HHHOOOOO!!! Been a long time I had such crazee fun!

Lotsa Shyeet!!

2005-03-20T01:38:00.000-08:00

I really don't know why it has been a lot of bad luck for me this year. Spraining my finger playing bowling, it's been hurting for 4 months now, though not as bad now. Losing a RM120 library book, not handing in my CG exam paper, making me get a C instead of an A. Now...my PC memory has to blow. I thought Geil RAM was good, but this really sucks. Been using it for only 1.3 years and already I have to replace it so soon. ARHGGGGGHHHHHH!!! WHY? WHY? The dealer is charging RM50 just to send it over to the factory to be replaced. And it's gonna take 4 weeks. What PC am I gonna use meanwhile? Anyone gotta extra piece of RAM out there?

Breaking up Just Is

2005-02-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

It's been around 5 months since I broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. What difference does 5 months make? Now I know how much an effect a person can have on me. I've never been a very open person, sharing easily, but if I was asked, surely I would share. But not many take interest I guess. Maybe because I can seem very aloof sometimes. We really shared a lot. We were very close. Maybe to the mistake of forgetting our friends. I guess we were both really intense passionate people who are very picky with whom we share what. But I feel there is a level of intimacy only 2 people in love can share that no friendship can replace. Maybe it's just me..to think of working at a relationship now to get it to the level we were at. It seems like such a long journey to make all over again.

But maybe the journey is what it important in the end, not the destination. I certainly would like to have such a relationship with someone again, but not to the effect of just doing it for the sake of it. Maybe now is the time for me to walk alone for a while in the desert, maybe to find a new oasis. To focus on my work and studies. To fully enjoy my Uni life. And of course, remember and appreciate my friends more.But somehow when I was with her, it just felt better knowing there was always someone to go back to, someone who knows I am and loves me for it, someone to tell all the little nothings that happened during the week. But I guess no love is perfect and maybe I just expected a perfect love.

I remember something the wife of the character played by Richard Gere in the movie "Shall We Dance" telling the detective "Why do people get married?" She said it was so there was always someone by your side to see and to acknowledge even the littlest and most boring thing that we do, to know that someone cares that you're alive and well. That knowledges gives a sense of meaning in an otherwise unobserved, unshared life. But I guess getting marrried is one way of sharing that much that deeply. But it sure is the most done way...

Absinthe > The Drink of Artists

2005-02-23T06:05:00.000-08:00

Somehow the word absinthe has been on my mind a long time. Ever since reading about Van Gogh consuming it in large amounts, I wanted to do a search on it. Now, it is done. If I pass you my ear one of these days, you know what I've been drinking.

All say Absinthe!

True Intimacy

2005-02-22T03:06:00.000-08:00

I really believe to love is not to demand or to expect but to let go and let the person we love grow.

My friend Alice sent this to me. How true.

Daily Meditation for February 21, 2005
written by Henri Nouwen

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being iscapable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore,the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.

Canon EOS 350D / Digital Rebel XT

2005-02-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

Canon EOS 350D / Digital Rebel XT!

350D!! Sucessor to the 300D. Power WWOOW! And it's coming in cheaper than when the 300D was released! It's gonna be around RM3500. Worth every cent I think.

The EOS 350D Digital features a newly developed, second generation, extremely low noise APS-C size 8.0 Megapixel CMOS sensor – the fourth new CMOS sensor from Canon in just twelve months. It is powered by the same DIGIC II image processor found in Canon’s professional series D-SLR cameras, and features 3 frame per second, 14 frame burst operation, USB 2.0 Hi-Speed interface, simultaneous RAW and Large JPEG writing and 0.2 second start up time. The camera is more than 10% lighter and 25% smaller by volume than the EOS 300D. It is available in both black and silver finishes.

Numerology

2005-02-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

Found this link on the web and tried it out, WHOA! I am not like this now (maybe in some aspects), but surely this is someone I would like to be. Here Is Your Free Numerology Reading! First, you as a person; the unique individual that you are. This is derived from what you typed in the "Name" area. It includes your inner urges and desires, and how you present yourself to others.
Your Inner or Soul's Urge: This is spiritual and emotional expression more than physical. It is your heart-felt desires, your incentive, how you look at life. Here are your areas of personal satisfaction.		For Name: Lesly Leon Lee (Note: For best results, use the exact spelling as first recorded at birth.) You desire responsibility, steadfast love, a harmonious home, domesticity, and maintaining long-standing family traditions. The perfect environment for you has ease, comfort, beauty, music, and harmony. You empathize with those who, through no fault of their own, are suffering. You are sympathetic to the needs of humanity. If you knew how, you would correct all injustice as a cosmic parent or guardian would. You have a good sense of loyalty and are a natural counselor. You are artistic, kind, understanding, inclined toward conventionality but broad-minded. When your emotions aren't too involved, you are a fine judge of character. Your life can be richer if you cultivate firmness and assertiveness to better balance your emotions and sense of justice, and realize that others have their own valid points of view.

Your Personality: This is physical expression more than spiritual or emotional; your outer self, the way you express when meeting others. It may or may not be the real you.		You have a magnetic personality, although sometimes appear to lack forcefulness. Your pleasing manner can influence others easily. When not interested, you can appear distant. Usually you appear generous, tolerant, idealistic, altruistic, artistic, and, at times, mystical. You can seem to view life too seriously, especially when your emotions dwell on the negative. Your personality is not helped by wearing black. To enhance your appearance and personality, wear colors; clothing that is comfortable but not careless.

Your Quiescent Self: Stripping away all outside influences, aspirations, ambitions, "shoulds", and "shouldn'ts" — this is you when you are alone; just you and your dreams.		You are a great humanitarian, eager to be of service for the betterment of all humanity. You support and perpetuate effective social organizations whose goals are the helping of mankind. You Love the human race. You are a great artist and your works serve to inspire others on a broad scale. Your thoughts and pleasure are being of selfless service to humanity in conjunction with personal Love and happiness.

Your Destiny or Ultimate Goal: This is your desired lifetime accomplishment. It is a key to a useful and happy life, and to feeling fulfillment during your latter days.		You are a humanitarian, like a "cosmic" Mother or Father. People look to you for ideals of love and companionship, charity, truth, justice, and harmony and beauty of surroundings. Your ability to help individuals and humankind is definite and sincere, and you are called upon to do so. Your personal happiness depends on how much good you can do. You find pleasure in rendering assistance to others. You are happiest with a position of trust and responsibility which you can regulate, harmonize, and adjust to optimum. You are concerned with the care of the old, the training of the young, and the improvement of the entire community. Selfless service pays rich dividends for you. You are a natural counselor and teacher.
Second, the path you are traveling in this life. It is derived from what you typed in the "Birth Date" area. Here is where you find the type of events that tend to effect you as a person.
Your Life's Path: Here are clues to what fate has in store for you. It indicates the type of encounters, events, and opportunities you are likely to experience along your physical life path.		For Birth Date: August 19, 1980 Your path is philanthropy, loving service to the peoples of Earth. You are a humanitarian with an innate sense of idealism, tolerance, and compassion, giving up personal ambitions and possessions if the general good demands it. You have an impressive personality and power to influence others. At times you are somewhat naive in your anticipation of the joy you believe is coming. Your spiritual sensitivity and holistic feelings for humanity encompass a wide range -- compassion, generosity, sympathy, tolerance. You have a vivid imagination. You easily and joyfully serve your fellow man, tending to place others before yourself and give your Love, sympathy, help, and understanding without stint. You would like to see perfection in marriage, self, and the whole world. Your opportunities are among emotional, artistic, and inspirational people, in fields that serve broad segments of mankind.

Wassat?

2005-02-15T02:01:00.000-08:00

Found this on the net also, I'm doing some online research for my English mini-research.

Life isn't about keeping scores.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Nor how accepted you are.
Not about if you're alone this weekend or not.
It's not about who you used to date and who you're dating now.
Nor how many people you have dated.
It isn't about kisses.
It's not all about sex.
Not about who your family is nor how much money they have.
Nor what kind of car you owned.
Nor where you are sent to school.
It's not about how ugly/pretty you are.
Not about what clothes you wear, the shoes you have on
Nor what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about what color of hair you have.
It's not about what color skin you are.
Not about the grades you get, How smart you are.
Nor about how smart people think you are.
Nor about what standardized tests imply about you.
It's not about which clubs you're in.
It's not about how well you're good at "your" sports.
It's not about how you represent your being on paper
And seeing who will accept "the written you."

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship.
It's about hurtful or heartening words you say.
About making petty gossips out of rumors.
It's about the judgements you pass and why.
And who the judgements are spread to.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about storing hate or love,
Letting it grow, then spread it.

The Rules For Being Human - Cherie Carter-Scott

2005-02-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

Found This on the Net, Interesting!

You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of this time around.
You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
"There" is no better than "here."
When your "there" has become "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
You will forget all this.

And We Had to Leave

2005-02-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

Woooo......I got the most amount of Ang Pau this CNY..aii...only RM43, but even RM1 is infinitely more than RM0, my usual amount every year. I had a pretty good time, watched a movie with Faris and Fairuz, wanted to go see Constantine, but they were out of tickets. Had to watch Elektra.Regret. Was planning to just download it off the intranet. Damn..uninspiring story and uninspiring fight scenes. I am sure there were much better Elektra stories out there, but I have no idea why they choose such a sucky story. Jennifer Garner naked could not save it. Hmmm...maybe. Even Blade: Trinity is better. I just can't get enough of Snipes killing vamps.

And another thing! I finally did my SF themed oil painting. The turpentine stinks though! I really have to find a way to make the turpentine more bearable. Wonder if the cough I've just gotten was from it. Otherwise, I will just have to use acrylics. But I love working with oil. The texture and how it mixes really suits my style. And it's much easier to repair and rework if something goes wrong. The painting is called "And We Had to Leave". The first of my paintings with a title. I'm not much into giving a title for my drawings. I feel it restricts what it can be. But for this, there is a story behind what was painted and I wanted that to come through. When I get a digital camera, I will get shots of all my paintings. This is the fifth one, and third one on my own, the first 2 was for class assigments. It took maybe 20 hours. Really enjoyed doing it. Painting is one of those things that make me focus and get into the "Qua" the "Zone" where people function at their best. Watch Jerry Maguire, Cuba Gooding's character speaks of the "Qua". Painting on my own gives me the chance, the freedom to be as creative as I want to be, to do anything, to make anything possible. No limits by the lecturers and no requirements. I sliced the mounting board diagonally. Wanted to try working with a new triangular format instead of the usual rectangular style. But again...I made it too colourful I think. I will definitely reduce my palette range for the next one, most probably got for a Frank Miller Sin City style piece, black with maybe one colour. Marv maybe. I singled out a few good pages from the comic. Especially "A Silent Night". He sure got the looks that can kill.

It was inspired by the best SF series ever, IMHO, Battlestar Galactica. Dark, real, gritty. If you're in MMU, yahoo me at hot_acrylic, I will gladly share the first part of it. The initial part when their planet was wiped out by the "Cylons" and they had to leave the planet...A sight I will never forget. Nukes going off planetwide on the surface and ships blasting off into the sky. There is always a sense of impending doom. The first episode was a brain smacker. Imagine not sleeping for 72 hours, on drugs and having to do hyperjumps once every 33 minutes. Not the usual Star Wars and Star Trek pansy wussboy stuff. Though... I enjoy em all. It reminds me of "Space: Above and Beyond" but that series did not last long at all.

Underware

2005-02-13T07:12:00.000-08:00

Underwear and long pants are.....oppressive!

The Joy of Bathing

2005-02-02T04:26:00.000-08:00

Whooaaa...what an experience. Lazy me did a 3 week job in 2 days. Another last minute job. I clearly remember Dennis ( classmate) mentioning "No more last minute work!" Ahh..what prophecy. The assignment was to draw and study a subject and I choose a bee. Worked from 8pm yesterday till 11am the next day straight. At 12am, I felt a shrudder and dread thinking about the following hours knowing the amount of drawings I had to do. I've never drawn that much in that short a time. Our lecturers said "No extension! Do or DIE!!" And I truly felt like dying at most points. Yeah, newbie talking about all nighter. Sure I've done all nighters before, but not for an assignment before. I didn't even have the time to bathe. Then Tan and and me went to bind our work. Only then I realised I haven't brushed my teeth, wash me face or take a shit. Just had to go then. But what a feeling it was walking proudly with our finished work, chests jutting forward and face to the sunrise. Some of our friends did not manage to finish and we were feeling ooohhh so good about ourselves.

When we reached the class, lots of other people have already submitted and much better work too. Aiii..but it sure did not reduce our bloated but relieved chests. Hehe..truly I felt it was a miracle! Praise the Lord!

And..we still haven't done out computer graphics work while all the other groups have already passed up their work. So Tan, David and me went to David's room to work on it. I took just a wink..10 winks at 1.30pm while David was trying to get Tan and me to move. We were just too tired. David and I missed our class at 2pm, David who also decided to wink out inspired by me, woke me at 5.30. 4 hours out cold. Aii...

So, waking up, finally I had the time to bathe. I just love bathing in a cubicle with the sun shining through. Add to that the burning hot weather of MMU and the marathon all nighter, the cold water was.... pure gold. I had my hands on the wall and was laughing out as the cold water flowed. What bliss it was. Somehow the I find the sun shining through while bathing a very relaxing and yet energising experience. I would actually look left and right, compare which toilet has the most amount of sun shining through would walk from one end to the other if I had to. The thing is I usually bathe very late usually at 1am, so this was extra ahhhh....

Dream >>> G6, Floor Tiles and Eugene

2005-02-01T01:21:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was taking a break drawing a bee for my design fundamental subject. So, I started surfing for some info on digital cameras. Went to www.dpreview.com and was reading a lot about the Canon G6. Seemed like a very good camera to me. Then, David classmate came over and we worked more on our drawing.

I was then feeling very sleepy and had to go sleep, slept slightly before 3am. I dreamt I was at a digital camera shop with my girlfriend who was ohhhh so good looking. I still remember what she was using, a loose flowery blouse top and a tight denim skirt. Ahhh... (girlfriend in the dream, not real life, which was someone I knew at MMU..cough..cough) and I was tesing the Canon G6 which was on display. My girlfriend said she would pose for me, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, my whole family and relatives were there. Then they just stood beside my girlfriend and posed, so I took the pic. Then I said, "Now, only my girlfriend" but she was too shy for some reason. Next thing I knew, was at a punishment place, I had done something wrong and was forced to lay some tiles on a floor as punishment.

There were many others doing the work also. I asked one of them, why are you not using the floor tiles? He said these are better and lifted up some paper based tiles. Then I met one of my former collage mates, Eugene (a punk rock guy, complete with piercings and all the trimmings). I asked him how come he was here also and then it was as if were both in MMU and he said he wanted to continue his studies at a better place, that's why he was there. Soo...MMU > Prison? And maybe I should surf for the 20D the next time, at least I will be able to use it, even if only in my dreams.

The Ariel Nuke!

2005-01-30T01:06:00.000-08:00

The Ariel Atom. I used to think my dream car was the Ford Mustang 1969 Mach 1, for pure style, yeah sure. But for driving pleasure I don't think anything beats the Ariel Atom. This car is the BOMB! Atomic Bomb! With the top tuned model doing 300hp powering just 496 kg (0.60hp/kg), kilo for kilo, this road grenade blows away even the Ferrari Enzo (0.48hp/kg). I watched the latest Top Gear and one of the host's face was smashed in by the car! And this is like riding a bike, minus the chances of "dying like a frog" like they say in Malay. In a car like this, 100 kph would feel like 160 in a stupid fully enclosed car. What use is all that speed generated if the driver is going to be all covered up inside? This is the raw driving experience I need. It's like a downhill bicycle vs a 4 wheel drive jeep. There is just no fight. And the thing is, this car is affordable. Around 19,000 pounds for the 160hp version. Thats around

RM 136,000. But when the Malaysian taxes are done with it, most probably it would end up costing RM500,000. I really feel like saying fucking shit! And imagine, it beats the Enzo at 0-100 (does in below 3 seconds) which cost lets just say 20 times more.

Jeremy Clarkson losing his face to the Ariel Atom

I was trying like crazy to find out this guy's name, And finally, found it playing back the video and wishing someone calls out his name, He's really laid back and I just love the raw way he reviews the cars.

My dream ride, wonder if JPJ will approve? Maybe...since they do allow 2 inch exhaust pipes.

Fantom of The Opera

2005-01-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

Faris (a movie genius-seems he knows something about almost every movie made, I'll be damn glad when I mention a movie or an actor he doesn' know about) and me went to catch "The Phantom of the Opera" at Midvalley. Joel Schumacher redeemed himself from a failed Batman Forever and Batman and Robin indeed. The acting was good and Gerard Butler (The Phantom) sang pretty OK, since he took proper singing lessons only just for the movie. Emmy Rossum played Christine Daea. For me, she had a real girl next door look. Nothing eye-catching. But she does have good eyes. Honestly, I just found the musical a little too empty. Hollow somehow. Something was missing. More tragedy? Has CNN desensitised me? Hmmm..

Joel Schumacher doing some directing (pun surely intended, why would anyone not intend a pun?)

Think this is Venice? Nah..just under some old French theatre

Story >>> To Love and Fear

2005-01-29T08:56:00.001-08:00

Part I

Father Liltho's knuckles were all bruised and slightly bleeding. Being a man of the cloth does not mean he has to take all this shit kindly. Anger must be channeled out and this time it was the wall behind his desk. Being a chemist in his previous life did not at all help him think this out logically. He was used to such news but not something like this.

“ Why do people have to kill and hate? “ Why did the man have to kill all those innocent children?”

There has got to be a solution to this hate and violent epidemic hurting the world. The Bible has taught him clearly that there are acts and doing which bring us further from God and nearer to Hell. It's all so very clearly listed. And all the people doing those things, they were usually Christians. Did they consciously choose to be away from the true home of their hearts? The Source? God?

But maybe, just maybe, there is no such thing as freewill for those who know the right way. Someone sets out a huge banquet and asks the people present to have anything they want, except of course the chicken salad and fried eggplant. They could have those of course, but at the informed sentence of dying from consuming it. So, it's back to square one, would anyone in their right minds touch the chicken and aubergine?

Maybe replacing Hell with dying and chicken with murder is taking it too far. Would someone who knows that she/he will end up burning for eternity actually kill for whatever reason? Jealousy? Money? Love? War? To what extent did Jesus' sacrifice heal and forgive? All Father Liltho knew was that he had to do something and do it quick. All the poor souls under his care, to burn forever in Hell, because of his inaction? That is not to be.

Part II

The general public could not believe it, and the Catholics were protesting outside the courthouse. “There just had to be a mistake!” “This was not justice!” “Let God judge him!” “Screw you, you piece of shit!”. As Father Liltho was dragged out of the courthouse to serve his sentence by 4 burly policeman no less, (was this the way to treat a holy man?), an enthusiastic reporter screamed above the din “Why did you do it?”

“ I saved them from sinning!” came the honest answer.

As Father kneeled down to beside his bed, he knew he had done the right thing, but something just did not feel right. It wasn't the prison food or the fact that his cellmate was a serial killer, those he could live with. He knew he saved those 523 from doing anymore bad things, from sinning anymore. He was surely proud his concoction did not give any of them time to suffer. They went smiling most probably. But still, still there was a gnawing feeling in his guts. He knew what he had to do.

Father Liltho reached for the parcel between the bars and tore open the wrapping. He just had to complete this. He started reading right away. He still had two days before his execution and that was plenty of time to finish “Finding the Buddha Within”.

Dis.... Unity

2005-01-29T01:38:00.000-08:00

If god wants us all to become Christians, why did he create Buddha, Muhammad, Hinduism? Let me guess..so the christians can preach and "Save" the rest? Or that Muhammad and Buddha took the wrong path and they are the way of the Devil? If the spirit of us all are from god, how can that lead to evil? Unless of course this "wrong" and "misled" people are part of god's ultimate plan which our religious differences make us fail to see? Or maybe not...

If organised institutionalised religion is based on love which is peaceful and happy, why do people stay away from discussing about god between religions? And when is does happen, it almost always leads to arguements and massive fault finding and finger-pointing. Doesn't this tell us something about how organised/institutionalised religion is? Or how people have twisted god and religion? Who do people stay away from other people whom they can't "convert" to their side?

Im-Preaching

2005-01-29T01:13:00.000-08:00

I used to be one of those guys who went around my friends tables and talked, or more like convinced them to become Christians. Basically spreading "The Word of God" when I was around 15-16. Recenty I've totally changed my perception. God is the end and the means is any way we choose. As long as we know in our heart that we love god with all our heart and through that love others too. I guess I am past passing judgement on anyone. I am past saying "You will go to hell if you don't accept and believe in Jesus!". "If Jesus is love and he died for all of us, why would he lead the non-believers to hell?" I refuse to believe all my good love-centered friends who are of all beliefs are going to hell just because they don't believe in Jesus. I quote Neale Donald Walsch >>

"People will always believe in hell and in a God who would send them there, as long as they believe that God is like man — ruthless, self-serving, unforgiving, and vengeful" http://www.cwg.org/bulletins/Bulletin_128.html#question

What is belief? If they are good love centered people, why would they be denied a place in heaven? All leads to god, if you know the truth in your heart. I know at the end, Muhammad, Buddha and Jesus will come on down on a Ford Mustang 1969 Mach 1 (hey, even the gods will have to have some style) while drinking some tea (I wanted to say beer...but..) together, and say all together :-

"Hey you stoopid pricks! Why have you people been fighting over nothing? We're all homies!"

But I guess it's just human nature to stick to a group "The Herd Mentality" and insult the rest. I am not a Budhist, Islam or Christian. In fact , I believe the organised religions just cause more strife and disunity. Look at all the racist and religious wars going on. Iraq, Indonesia, Africa, all over the world. When will we look beyond the religion into the spirit of god? I believe in the true human nature of God and love for one another. Simply that. Yes, but you may ask, what religion are you? Religion? God isn't a religion. He is past whatever names our small minds can come up with, terms like Jew, Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Catholic, Hindu. He just is.

Anyway, I am not saying that Jesus is bad, it's just how people approach talking about him. With the bible quoting and mentioning of "saving" and heaven and hell. I still believe Jesus is one of the best examples of god and a human being. But I believe in Buddha and Muhammad also, but not how people interpret them to serve their own small purpose. The best way is to lead a life that reflects all the goodness all this super people showed us. People will know by our example. Love can be felt, an infinite space away..

Lesly "Life is a Stage" Method

2005-01-28T21:17:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Qahar after the T@MU acting workshop (the theatre group of MMU recently had a theatre workshop) and we were talking about "Method Acting", yeah,made famous by De Niro. He metioned it originated from the Stanislavsky method of acting. Where there is emotional recall from the past and it's integration into the character and the story being performed. And, the next day, Rodek mentioned that acting must come naturally and not be forced. We must act as if in real life. React to what the other person is saying at that moment and not just splurt out words memorised from a script. So, from this I came up with something interesting. It came in the toilet actually (all great ideas come out with some shit). I call it the Lesly "Life is a Stage" Method. It's really simple and fun. It's a matter of percieving and absorbing any mundane daily activity. There is just one step.

1. Pretend that no matter what you're doing, you're on a stage and there are 1000 people in the audience watching.

Yeah, when you wake up, get up from bed, talk to someone, be aware of how you move, how you act, how you react to what the other person says, everything. Let all your senses absorb all that happens. And remember it. And know that a huge audience is watching. Or for the day, create a character and play it out. A mad man, a stupid jerk. See and remember how people react to you. And you can use that too when you're really on stage.

Again the buddist method of appreciating and knowing every action no matter how mundane comes into play.

So, when you're actually on stage and acting, all the actions you've done in daily life will just come back naturally if you've done the technique correctly. And the audience won't bother you cause all your days was spent being watched by a huge audience. But all this depends how much you believe and realise an audience is watching you doing your daily stuff. Kinda like maintaining "Super Saiya" mode all day long (for those who know about Dragon Ball) and when the time comes, it will be so easy to get into action.

The Secret to Pain in Relationships

2005-01-28T21:15:00.000-08:00

I was trying to figure out people some days back. I've been involved in a pretty serious relationship for 1.5 years. And I feel the number one reason for any pain or trouble in the relationship was the expectations. Somehow, we tend to draw up a list of how we want the other person to behave. And when the person fails to behave a certain way, we get all flushed and angry. So, basically, according to Murphy's Law (anything that can go wrong, will), we just planned our own pain. So, I guess the lesson is knowing the truth about ourselves and accepting whatever it is that makes the other person his/herself. Know the truth > Accept and love the truth, with the truth being the situation of the relationship and it's nature.

This applies to whatever relationship, even friends and family. Somehow we always tend to be the most emotional and angry with the ones we love the most. But for the truth to be know, honesty by all parties is the key. Without honesty, there can be no truth. And so it revolves. Easier said and written than done, but I guess it will surely work well. Guess I got his from the Buddhist concept of non attachment and non-expectation and knowing what is the truth.

Me >>> God

2005-01-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't been going to church for a long time now. But god have been more on my mind when I did. More personal, near. I think unless I am able to find god outside the rituals and the building of the church, god will not be alive for me. God is a personal, emotional, spiritual experience. Sometimes being in a community helps this, but I feel often times, the community clouds this personal experience with all the protocols and red tape of organised religion. The major player in my thinking recently has been the Series of books written by Neale Donald Walsch, The "Conversations With God" Series. I think other than the bible, the most important books you're ever going to read would be this series. Visit his site here http://www.cwg.org/index2.html

A few nights ago, I was thinking about what or who god is to me. I figured that no matter how much we pray for something, god's will is his will and it will be done. Take for example the guy who prayed all his life for something and not getting it vs. the guy who didn't pray for crap and got it all. Would god stop taking care of our loved ones the moment we stop praying for them? Will a child not be taken care of by the holy spirit if the mother doesn't pray for him/her? So I figured that the reason for me to pray would be to gain self motivation that god is looking out for my loved ones and for the world. I believe that within us lies the spirit of god and this spirit has unlimited power. Just like god, or is god. To see something, we need to be a certain distance from it. We can't see our own eyeball for example, but we can see our hands. So, somehow human spirituality has evolved to achieve this way of viewing our own self (god image) into something external. God. But in the end, although a means to an end, we must not forget the roots. Our spirit = God's spirit.

So when we ask from within what we believe and want, we will surely get it. Call it subliminal programming or subconscious requests. But in the end, I do believe prayer works. But somehow, not as god as an external force granting wishes. I feel god is sometimes portrayed as an externalisation in traditional religions. Maybe for christianity the holy spirit is the internalisation, but I don't think this is stressed enough, at least the way I look at what I know about my own Catholic church. And this is all from a very devout Catholic who once was the VP of his chuch Youth Group and even contemplated being a priest in the Catholic Church. This is the continuation of my spiritual journey. Maybe I will think different 5 years from now. But for now, this is the truth for me. Anyone got a better idea?

Dream >>> Alexander and naked neighbour

2005-01-26T09:56:00.000-08:00

Dreamt I was watching Alexander (the movie) on TV. Then, my dad called me to join him to go for a jog. This was back in FRIM (Forest Reserve Institute of Malaysia). But after a while of jogging, I had to stop as I was having a flu. So I just went back. Then I was picking some mulberries then I looked up to see the daughter of my neighbour walking around her balcony naked. Then I hid behind some mulberry bush and was looking, wondering what was up with her. Then, she just smiled and went back in. Hmmm.....

Why?... Why?

2005-01-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess you said the main fact which I believe is the root of why you say you don't believe in god. You don't believe in the human spirit. Because, I personally think that the human spirit is god itself and we exist in him, through our spirit. Call god maybe the collective life-force of everything in the universe, multiverse, everything.

I got a question. I believe the spirit communicates with us through emotions, when we feel happy, sad, when we laugh. It's the spirit experiencing this. Not the mind. I believe the mind is logical and also creative, but it is not the spirit. That's why there are sayings like follow your heart, not your mind. Gut feeling, inner voice. How do you explain emotions? The mind generates them? We are all just atoms. Did you know...until now. Scientists don't know what it simple matter. What makes up atoms? Protons,electrons..neutrons...What makes up Protons,electrons..neutrons? Quarks. What makes up quarks? The building blocks of the Universe consist of: six quarks - known as up, down, strange, charm, top, and bottom; six leptons - electron, electron neutrino, muon, muon neutrino, tau, and the newly discovered tau neutrino. Then what? Keep it breaking down. They keep building ever bigger particle accelerators. But I don't think it will end. What is the leptons made of? What is the quarks sub-particles made up of? It just goes on ad-infinitum. http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn4389

Till when are we going to do this? Then, we will be forced to admit, the universe is made up of nothing. NOthing. Just spirit. But can we ever build machines powerful enough to reach that level? Something as simple as matter, scientist now even can't be 100% sure what it is made of.

I believe in elements beyond my control. And me letting it destroy the world? I don't think nature needs my permission to be the way it is. It just happens. No explanation is needed or need to be given. It's just us humans who try to understand something that is without reason.

Another thing, if you're going to be a politician, would you inform everyone that you don't believe in god? Just wondering...

I must admit, there are also things I don't know, or claim to know. Yes, we are able to clone the body of the human, but what about the soul? Can we clone that? I am not so sure. But of course, that would be sufficient for your point since you don't believe in the human spirit.

I am not out-rightly denying politics. But there are some brands of politics which just serve the purpose of just a few, and not the many. I guess we just have to find a middle ground. Your politics and my idealism.

Finally, I just gotta say I am not forcing to to believe there is a god. God is a personal experience, an emotional one. But if you never give her/it/him a chance, you will never know.

Democrat vs God

2005-01-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

I am currently having a very interesting discussion with someone I met in Friendster. Thought someone might enjoy reading this. A lively debate.

Yeah, I agree on your point about not minding getting dirty to make a change. But can you come out clean and still holding on to you principles at the end of it all? How much tolerance will you have at changing you principles for the greater good? For me, all I have is my principles. Does the end justify the means? If I lose that, than I won't be able to live with myself. I guess we can discuss to kingdom come, but only being in the situation and finally coming out clean will be proof. Anyway, it's all gray and there is no black and white.

Q: What did people think when Darwin came up with his theory?

A: They thought he was trying to make monkeys out of all of them!

I enjoy being the ancestor of a monkey. Since I believe god created the monkey also. This is a matter of perception. What do you picture when I say god created the monkey? He came down, snapped his fingers and poof! Monkey? That is not what I think happened. Evolution happened. As I said in my previous mail, I don't debunk Darwin's theory, in fact, accept it as something natural. Like any disaster, the tsunami even. Something that happens naturally, randomly even as nature intends it. If the dinosaurs were not wiped out, maybe they will he here flying around instead of us. But I believe God had a hand. Not a direct hand, but a ripple effect since he created the universe. Like he made something, gave it life, and gave it the freedom to grow and be as it is. He does not interfere. That is what I personally believe.

How do you tie the existence of god with humans? IS this like the question: "If on a far away planet, a tree falls, and no being was around to hear it, was there noise created? " Does the only observation of something prove something exists? If so, how do you know atoms exist if we can't see it? Electron microscopes can see it. Look at it this way, our senses are limited, we need help like microscopes. What if the thing we wan to detect if beyond our 5 senses? We have to use our spirit to detect it. that is all. We will not be able to see if we close our eyes, just like our spirit. Ok, just answer me this? Do you believe we have a soul or spirit? If you do, is that physical? How do you prove the existence of the human spirit?

The diversity argument is moot. I was questioning this before. If god knew we were going to be evil and sin and make war, IF he knew, which, he being god, surely did, Why did he bother creating us? Did he create evil? The thing is he made us with free will. TRUE free will. So much so that he will not strike down those who don't believe in him. That is the true test of his freewill for us. The fact that we can deny his existence. Which maker would want his creation to deny him? This is proof he gives us full freedom to do as we choose. Because, life is about choice. He does not want a bunch of robots to just follow his every order. We have to question him, others, our very existence. That is what makes us alive. That is life. God made us different and we can choose. And we all choose different. I don't see how this is proof that god does not exist. Miracles? I think some of them were just created to give credit to the words. It is the humans who wrote all the holy books. They had to jazz it up to make people go wow..we believe. For so much as we are spiritual beings we are still very physical and connect with the physical the easiest. It is very easy to believe when a guy lifts a car (that is very physical) but what about when some handicapped person beats the odds to come out tops in life? But the true miracles are in everyday life, not the fireworks. When a baby is saved from a disaster, when people come together to help each other out, like what is happening now. If you want some fancy fireworks and special effects miracle from god, like in the movies, I don't think we going to get that. Why? I really don't know. Maybe god is a minimalist, a Bauhaus follower.

But like nature, there is a balance. Don't you believe we get what we sow? Every bad we do, will effect us in return. Weather or not we believe in god. If we truly believe in the human spirit and god, we won't need religions and any rules or any 10 commandments. We will live in love and there will be no war. We will share and care truly for each other, see each other as equals. No need for Islam, or Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, The Constitution, Republicans, Whatever. I think that such naming and religions even create division and disunity. There are enough wars already because of differences and we don't need more. Full Gospel Assembly people saying all Catholic will go to hell, Islams saying Christians who don't believe in Muhammad will be burned in fucking hell. Christians saying those who don't believe in Jesus (who is the way, the truth and life) will go to hell! Buddhists are calmer though, I think. Hindus...hmmmm. In a truly civilised society, based on true spirituality, there will be no need for government or politics. Forget politics, life begins with me. It is very hard to achieve this, but for now, the best I can do is live my life like this. Based on this.

The problem that most atheist face is this I think. The world religions are very limited I think. They try to control and fix god in a box. This and this is what god is about. But I don't think god is just about the Bible, Vedas, Quran or whatever holy book. He is so much more than that. He is alive and he is us. So the people who are smart and can question (I don't think it's just a coincidence all the really smart people and those who dare question are usually the ones who are atheists), and not just accept like robots, will soon discover the usual world religions very limiting and may very well stop believing in god. All I got to say it, god is much much more.

FYI, I read a lot of Stephen Hawking's books and I think there is a place for us all. Everything created has it's purpose, no matter how small. Even an ant is part of a complex ecosystem. Kill all ants and there will be repercussions throughout the universe. Same as humans and the universe. But sometimes I wonder also, trillions of galaxies, quadtrillions of stars. Maybe millions of planets with intelligent life forms? Do they all believe in some sort of god? That I don't know. And lets not even start about Jesus. A Jesus on every planet? A planet of Jesus' who seek out new civilisations to spread Christianity? Ummm....

Bacteria >> Monkey >> Man >> God

2005-01-16T05:39:00.000-08:00

The very reason I hate politics is because people like Irene and presidents like JFK are abused, assisinated. But I guess, they are in it. The thing is I don't believe you will come out clean when you mix with shit. I am sure Irene is no angel or saint. Surely, being a politician, she must have done lots to puch her own agenda. Lets we frank and honest....

U know what Im saying? I am sure Irene and JFK, great as they are are involved in their own fair share of politics. There is always the flipside. There is no 100% good, all is shades of grey.

I did not assume anything, since I don't know nuts about ur background. But I still say, mess with politics, and no matter how clean you enter, you're gonna come out dirty.. Or if you stick to it, dead or in ISA. I used to want to fight all the way against what is going on in the government, even was thinking, if they shove me into ISA, so be it. But realised there are much better ways of existance and making a change. But that's another story.

I think any organisation is two faced, no matter what they say they fight for. Even the NGO I was working for. Nothing is perfect, maybe that's why I just took the easy out and just up and left. Now, I paint...AHAHHAHA! If the whole world was made of artists, there will be no war.

About God, I have an explanation of Darwin's Theory which fits into the fact that god exist. Question further.. Till you cannot question anymore, the final answer will be god. Science is limited. How did the Big Bang happen? When there was nothing before? Or was there something? What was it?

Darwin says the orgin of humans is from bacteria (the ancestors of monkeys....kkekekkekeke) . Yes. I believe this also. Like this, our perception of time is limited. God's isn't. One million years could be 1 year or a second for god. There is no limit. Why must we believe that god can only create literally? Bling! TADA! POOF!! ABACADABRA! Suddenly, there was man. But I think it was through evolution that god created man. Occam's Razor, all things being equal, the most simple explanation is usually the right one.

The ball is yours. I certainly am enjoying this. I would be eternally grateful if you could convince me that god does not exist.

Fish and Fish

2005-01-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

I had another dream, yeah slept realy late again, at 5am. I was friends with a really rich guy, and he had this big company beside the beach. He had a huge compund in front of his office. He kept a lot of fish in the pond and some aquariums in the compound. Somehow his office was located in the same row as some terrace houses. He, his daughter and me were checking the office out after it was flooded by the tsunami. The whole compound was flooded and all the fishes were out of the pond and aquariums. They were swimming in the salt water even thought they were fresh water fish (I only realised this now as I'm writing).

Then somehow the whole dream skips to another scene where his daughter and I were having a discussion. We were talking about our relationship and what level it was at. She asked me weather I wanted to be serious, but I was hessitant to commit. Then she said, ok, I will give you the chance to mix around with any other girl I wished and then I said, yeah, sure. Last thing I remember was walking we her to a beachfront resort or something like that.

The 6 Year Old Girl in a White Frock

2005-01-12T03:53:00.000-08:00

I realise when I sleep late, around 2.30am and later, I tend to remember my dreams more vividly. Today, I had a pretty freaky dream. I dreamt I was sleeping, but in another room, not my hostel room, but it felt as if that's been the room I was sleeping in all the while. This room was on the ground floor, unlike my hostel room which is on the 1st floor. Suddenly, I was awakened by a girl around 5-7 years old pointing a finger at me from outside the window. She was dirty but was wearing a white frock. Somehow I was absolutely scared out of my wits of her. It was as if we had a history together and somehow she was pissed with me or something. Then, I just ignored her and tried to sleep again, and managed to but woke up again in the dream.

Then, suddenly I was awake for real but was really zoned out. Like I was on another planet. Groggily I went back to sleep and then slept soundly after that.

Anyone have a clue?

Someone we know

2005-01-02T08:12:00.000-08:00

I was watching Smallville and Lex was giving some advice to Lana, he said

"A person's worth is more than the last conversation, it's how they've been throughout the whole relationship"

or maybe it's

"A person's worth is more who they say they are, it's how they've always been"

I think that's so true, especially after we've had a bad fight with someone very close to us.

Why?

2005-01-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

I've heard so many people saying that it's God's punishment or "test" for all the people who died/suffered from the recent tsunami. But why would God want to punish us? Why test us? To what end? Entertainment? He's stting up there with some pop-corn and saying
" Pretty good if I might say so myself, though..that guy over there is floating a bit funny"

It's just nature and like life itself, we all just have to ride it through and this is the opportunity for the whole of humanity to relax, sit back, think, appreciate what we have and take this chance to show our love for each other, each in our own way.

Maybe it's easy to sit back here in MMU writing this blog when I don't have to deal with dead bodies and corpses with their insides outside. But to share a thought, that's why I write. I believe we are all one, any when one suffers the whole suffers. We are all connected. One spirit. So maybe this is the best time to prove this.

andre rochais

2004-12-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

( I really hope you guys take the time to read this,took 20 mins to type it out.It could change the way you live and think. This passage was taken from a book dedicated to Andre Rochais, the founder of PRH. He Rocks!!)

( PRH is Personality and Human Relations. It's a foundation where people are helped out in discovering their true inner self, realising their full potential, and helping others out from this realisation )

(There is too much to cover, so basically I took this final question from Claude Rouyer to Andree Lumeau. Below is a an excerpt from an interview between Andree Lumeau and Claude Rouyer from the book on Andre Rochais called "Andre Rochais: Founder of PRH )

Claude Rouyer: "How do you sum up all the things that are specific to PRH?"

Andree Lumeau: First,the conviction that underlies everything else:a belief in the healthy person, and the absolute certainty that no matter how wounded, how warped persons may have been, they can work out their own destiny; that within each of us there is a hope for the future.What underlies everything is faith in healthy human beings, living essentially positive lives and promoting the advancement if society and the environment in which they live.

Second, there is a similar certainty that people have an internal reference point for good and evil (their conscience).They are not restricted to learning the diference between good and evil only from outside influences. There is within them a place where they can tell if something is true or not, and adjust accordingly.This touches on the "God" (the book refers to God as Trancendance) factor within someone's life.

Finally, there is this faith, and this fundmental respect for the freedom of individuals whose lives are in their own hands.We can do everything possible to help someone, but there is a strong sense of togetherness behind it all, and for Andre, helping others was seen as being in the line of duty, and not simply as a gesture of solidarity.It went deep:all human beings have a right to be helped, to become themselves,to suceed in life, to find their place in society so as to be able to give their all, and thus to be happy.

Nothing would change if persons themselves do not change.

here is something else from Andre Rochais himself, written in 1980,10 years before he passed away:

"And we take to dreaming.....What would become of our nation, what would become of the people of the world, what would become of humanity, if an adequate program of growth and healing could be provided to heal all those who have been cut to the heart of themselves and are living in non-existance?"

>>> Think of the riches that would be released!

>>> Everyone would take their place, would give their full measure, not stepping on other people's toes and not in competition with one another, since every personis unique.

>>> Man and woman.Standing.Side by side. In Unity. men and women would convert the world they recieved from the previous genereagtion before handing it over, better and more human to the next

>>> Nations would assume their own identity,since it is proper for each society to be unique, to have it's proper place and to play it's role in this great Caravan and in the symphony of this World.

>>> Little by little we would approach this Unity of Humanity that, through much sweat and tears,we are actively searching for and labouriously trying to organise as best as we can.It only seems likely that this unity will be found at the conjunction of three conditions:-

>>> When everyone reaches their full potential;

>>> When men and women, standing side by side in unity, are fully alive to what is in their hearts;and

>>> When all Nations discover their true identity and take the road to its fulfilment.

>>> Am I dreaming?.....Yes......Is it a wild dream?.....

Time will tell! >>>

I feel exactly how Andre feels and have felt so since I was 14 years old, but he put it so eloquently here, I couldn't have done better.May we all reach for this world in our simple ways everyday

poem >>> we be we

2004-12-30T01:27:00.000-08:00

((( some people say this could be heaven, wrote it while listening to some music )))

We rise on the morning mist, Floating, falling, floating, rising.

On and on we go.

Our souls pass us by,

Our spirits are no longer there,

Instead, everywhere,

Through us, with us, among us,

We used to see, Now we know.

We know. We feel. We live. We be. We are the wind, we blow in and around,

We have no strength but still we rise.

We have no mouths, We sing out loud.

There is no tears, And we cry,

No sadness, And we weep.

Sadness, No longer.

Pain, What is that?

Loneliness, No more

Coldness, Unending warmth.

Tears, There in joy.

Cacophony, Peace only.

Like water, We seep.

Price, Worth.

Burdens, Blissfully lifted.

Questions, Enlightment.

Hunger and thirst, Fullfillment.

Anger, Love.

Noise, Melody.

What is that sound? Running through our veins, Beating in our breast, The strangest sound, We've heard for years and years, The sound of one love, Beating side by side, Blowing through the layers of us.

No longer two,

No longer one.

No longer longing,

No longer I,

No longer us,

No longer.

What was lonely, Now we become.

The notes glow with the light of us, The music fills the empty vaccumn, Notes and tones once without meaning, Now feeds us with some luminensce, The songs we used to sing alone, Now become a vocal symphony, Giving love to one another.

On and on we go, There is no I, only us, As we go,

As we fly, Forever becomes tomorrow becomes today, Forever becomes now, Now goes on and on, Now is past, Time becomes none, Only we move. We ask no questions, We just are.

Silence says a million words, We are there, And we are here, We are one in many, Everything is something, If nothing is everything,

Back to the beginning,

We evaporate,

We no longer extensions of ourselves, All is beauty, when we don't see ourselves.

We become everything,

We become nothing,

Then we know there is, No we. And..........

We be.

poem >>> the things people do

2004-12-30T01:26:00.000-08:00

((( I wrote this poem or song [i am not too sure myself ,call it what u want]when i was feeling pretty down[some family problems] during a Pure Maths class when teacher was teaching some graphs so thats whats with the x y z and all.The end part is pretty confusing cause i was tired of thinking.I wrote this all in one flash of inspiration[if that's what u call it].Hope u gain something from it.I did, even though I wrote it myself. .)))

One man,two men how many more? How many men are true to themselves and , To one and all,woman,women. Does it matter? A glance,a knock on the table,a shift of the leg, A blink,a stare,a smile,

Agendas,agendas.agendas,behind sweet smelling fronts, Why? Not probability,not chance, Freewill to do what we please. What do we get? Tests one,two, are u true? Am I true?If I am true,Why am I blue?

God,sometimes I tink that it is better that there is no freewill. But alas,without it, I will surely be someone I am not ,a drone, Without life,without soul,wishes upon wishes,situations upon situations, They come and they go.

Handle it?Abandon it? Isn’t that a wanton waste? God,Why do I feel not right,weak, Help,that’s what I need,who to help? Why do they wanna do that?

Agendas,agendas,agendas, Subliminal messages behind meshes of wire slipping through, They can obtain it but they can’t contain it,so I see it. Paranoid? Am I ,NOT!!,

What is the meaning of paranoia when things really do happen? Sleep I do wish,Forever.Death ,I wish sometimes but is there freewill in heaven? Armageddon,Judgement Day,Apocalypse. When does it all begin,the beginning of the end of all personal agendas?

I wish that happens to all[of course it will] Jesus show me the truth,behind the masks and shells of people, Mine being the first to be seen as U have said let the timber be taken outta My eye before I can see clearly what others do.

Holy Spirit,guide me let me know between freewill and Your will. Between what is and what isn’t.Truth,lies.Reality,dreams.Space,time. All, all.

When does it all end?

But,if it all ends,It will be bland, Tasteless,without life without aroma,hurt, happiness,need, wants. How bout all the thing that matter?How bout all the truth That U say is? Me?ask bout why do I need to think What for?

Question,train of thought,massively parallel positions, Of all information,a burnout?,Blackout?Why? How?Must it all end somehow?

The people I love, The life I live,They see but do they know?I tell but do they understand? Me then us? Why?

God,help me let go and let U do your will Let it be done all that needs be done unto me. Help!!I can't handle it sometimes. All!!BLAM! ,WHAM!,SLAM!,BANG!.DANG!,

The probability of life some times SucKs!!Double SUCKS!! Just it ain't a duck.Which I can cook and eat and digest. The AwesomeNess of PROBABILITY, of life's circumstances.

Years,months,weeks,hours,minutes,seconds, Miles upon miles of life and does it all matter? SLEEP!! Again!!Concept,old,long ,topics,clouds,

Whispers,Unthinking,Blurrs,Breath,Beep!! Period Ends,ENDS.Or is it just the beginning? Sketches of curves,life,curved of straight lines of thought, MindControl, Masters, Slaves of the Mind, To or not to? Control,Train?

Chattering x,y.z,What does it all mean? Odd, even,Odd against it.

Why?Why not just go with it all? Whatever?I gonna have to SLEEP.

Bye[or is it by?]

poem >>> this one beautiful life

2004-12-30T01:24:00.000-08:00

((( there is a bit of poem and some standard writing here, the innocent me writing some years back )))

Yesterday,I was walking in town with my friends, I saw a man digging and cleaning out a drain,

He wore a patched cloth and no shirt, He was filthy and thin,his ribs poked through his skin, With his bare hands he was picking out dirt and trash from a sidewalk.

A few weeks ago,I saw a young guy about my age picking his lunch out of a trash can,he took a half eaten ice-cream cone,a half-drunk cup of drink.

I guess he kept going from trash can to trash can finding his fill for the day. He collected a few stubs of ciggarettes(I guess to make a new one for himself)

I went to a clothes shop and saw a football shirt being sold for 200 bucks,

People actually bought those shirts,made maybe in a mass production factory for a small cost of 20 bucks. A 180 cruds given to big football profiters.They are the true football fans.

A few weeks ago I saw a crystal sculpture being sold for 5 grand. Some rich man is gonna buy that and put it on his showcase with all the other stuff he bought,

People are gonna come to his house and gawk and say WoW!!Such a nice work of art and he will be satisfied.

Maybe now and then he will give it a few extra glances and maybe take it out to feel it. That same 5 grand could have given a few hundred starving children somewhere the chance to have a proper meal for a few days.

It could have been used to buy a hundred beggars somewhere a pair of nice clothes to have on their back. It could have been used to put a roof over a family in some poor country

Like the rich man and the people who bought those football shirts,I too am as guilty, I've many a times bought myself things I wanted and not needed. Some people work to satisfy there desires to have and to get more,more,more First a small car then,a sedan,then a luxury car.

First a rented room,then a terrace,then a full sized bungalow. Some people work to satisfy some person's needs A father for his children,a mother for her son, An old lady for her orphaned grandchild.

So,the next time you go to work or start working, Think,why do I deserve this money I earn, more than some poor beggar in the street.

I've always wanted to do things and experience all that I can in life, I want to go skydiving,travel the world,have a nice house,buy a nice cruiser bike, buy a jet-sk,buy all that my parents wanted and never could have afforded, have the fastest computer around,go snowboarding all day long,buy an island and run around naked.

I also want to make a chicken farm where people go to become eagles, where beggars go and come out world leaders,where children without hope go and leave with an amazing life before them.

I want to set up an education fund where the truly poor people can get what they deserve. But when I do have the money to do anything I want,What will i do? Will I satisfy my wants?Or other's needs?

Now I write I will do what is right.But,when the time comes,who knows?

It is a hard decision,but to really live life is to live the Bible and make heaven on earth and we all know what it says right?

((( Mahatma Ghandi "There is enough in this world for all of man's needs but not for all of his greed" )))

poem >>> the call

2004-12-30T01:23:00.000-08:00

((( wrote this one quite sometime back, thoughts like this just don't die, they evolve )))

First off i gotta say Jesus aka God Aka Holy Spirit means the most to me of all things in this world.Cause when all is gone there can only be Jesus by me. Whenever i face any trouble,all i gotta do is turn to Jesus and He will surely help me in all ways.When i feel lowdown and out He is always there for me all the way.My life hasn't been all that smooth at all times.When it isn't ,I always depend on God to Lead me on.I have been a Roman Catholic from birth. From the time i was baptised till this very moment,I know God is by my side at all times.I am very grateful to Him.Yupp!!And to show how grateful i am I have written a song to tell u all bout how i got the Amazing Call

Standing tall, My feet tapping hard on the conrete wall, Actions so why do I?, Cause me got balls, If I recall,

But if I do take a fall, It definitely won't be in the Mall, I do remember feeling small, But that was all, Before I saw the call, I am telling this to one and all.

Cause 'fore I got the amazing call, People push and i fall, Thinking I'm a rubber doll if i recal My life was life some gall,before i got the Call.

Now u be thinking, What is this call? Is it dull or is it balls? If u ever tried to hear the call, U may recall the Amazing Call.

Me eyes got glazed, And i was dazed, Cause I'am amazed, It's as if i was maced, If i had a double face, As if that was some other face, All this I fell and felt it too,

Cause when i heard the Amazing Call, My brain was melt ,as if it was felt To be turned into what was best. There I was with me spill, When I heard the Amazing Call, If I do recall,It was no noise, Voice or some sorry toys,

It was my Lord and He is God, I know It's so cause when read the Goodbye,i heard a sigh.

I closed my eyes,I saw who but me and God, God He was Lord,He said to me, "Boy, U were lost ,But none are good, Only me" so He said, So i did say,"Hey not bad at all!"

I like my Lord, Cause when I fall, Into a wall,He'll pick me up and cover me all, He'll do me hair and set me straight, And if i fall into a mall, He'll open me up and show me all, The things i recall,

That is the really true inner me, So i walk and talk with the Amazing Call, It's at the back of me mind but not behind,

Wherever whenever I go or am,i hear the call, And when I do take the fall, I said it all, But"Wait!! That's not all!!

This is the day i will recall cause, It is 2 following 7 and 2 ones in between, 27 and 98 and thats the date of my faith, It was once I was all dull and all,

But the Amazing Call saved me all,

So that's all for this time's fall.

poem >>> SeedS

2004-12-30T01:22:00.000-08:00

(( I wrote this when I was doing my STPM (Sijil Tinggi Pelajaran Malaysia), Malaysian Higher Studies Certificate . I was feeling down as I felt out of place. Looking back, it was just the system and I just did not fit in and I did not bother to do so. It was all exam based and not much creativity was allowed. If it ain't in the answer sheet, you ain't getting marks for it ))

See, I used to think that 5sc1 was the best class I’ve ever been in, But,this class is as good as any other class maybe even better overall.

Though we may have our differences,our very own ways of doing things, I believe,When we believe we have whatever it takes to beat any odds,we will. It’s just a matter of doing our best in whatever circumstance we are put in.

Though STPM is quite a tough exam, It won’t be as tough once we are through with it. We made it into Form 6 didn’t we?

I’m sure that shows something. Hey,5a’s may be a little outta reach, But I believe that deep inside of us Lies Great SeedS of achievement and success. Only thing is,we really gotta believe in those seeds to make ‘em sprout up good and strong.

Maybe some of us won’t get 5a’s[I’m pretty sure I’ll be one of them], But in my eyes,every single person in this class is definitely rated 5a’s ,5 stars,heck, 5 anything, come to think of it!

Yeah,we win some,we lose some. But, there is always a but, It’s not what happens that matters,but what we do about what happens that matters.

Sulk at our failure, or learn and become better? And when at the end of the day we do WIN, Hey,it only comes natural Right? Remember?

The SeedS?

What do u say if we all meet each other at the top? Not the top the world has to offer but, The Real Top. Hey! look around you, yeah, you looking at this words.

Nice weather and beautiful day isn’t it?

poem >>> under the make-up

2004-12-30T01:21:00.000-08:00

(( I got the inspiration for this song from one of the weddings I went to recently and one of my friends said how nice the bride looked but I thought she looked ugly with all that thick makeup ))

I see your face girl,

That thick mascara on your lash and the layers of lipstick,

I see the highlights on your cheek and your eyeliner so blue,

Why hide your beauty so true,

I love your wrinkle at the edge of your eye as you smile,

The slight lines on your forehead as you laugh,

Through the many layers of insecurity I see,

The true colours of your innocence,

Take your covers off, I love your face,

The years pass by and you grow more,

With every knowing comes a gift from Him, With each line, With each scar, With each blemish,

It's all right, God don't see no makeup, He sees you,

He loves you, Am I worthy to see your face as He does?

Wake up,wake up, shout your face to the world, With the boldness of innocence,

Thrash the layers and show you to me, I want to see,

Don't turn off the lights of your face, Let them shine,shine it away. I want to see your face,

I love your face.

poem >>> god's eyes

2004-12-30T01:19:00.000-08:00

Don't you sometimes see the world as an alien? All the people doing their thing day after day after day? Going bout doing the same thing again and again and again?

Why are we here? To earn a living? To become rich? To have fun? To get it all?

Money,big cars and all? To be all we can be? But who are we ?

Are we our jobs? Are we our handphones and gadgets? Our clothes?Our style? Are we are our bodies? Are we our minds? Our souls?Feelings even?

Where do we want to go?What is more important, our destination, Or our Journey?

People seek riches,People want more,faster,bigger. But what?What really counts? People,people and GOD.Thats what counts.

People helping people. Helping each other to be all they can be. To experience and learn,

To exist and love and care. To see in the eyes of the begger,the prostitute,the sick and lame the very face of humanity.

But alas in our very human race to get it all, We push,we shove,we only care for "What's it in for me?" The things of this earth do not last long.

It's all only a moment in GOD's eyes. But do we care?Do I care? Who is more important?

The other person or me? But I am human, and to exist is to care for myself. So why bother?

Cause GOD matters and He made us,therefore we matter. But only,only,only if there were more of GOD'S LOVE in this world.

Only way to make more is to LOVE more. So go out today and show someone u care and at least try,

Try to look at someone through GOD's eyes.

poem >>> funny planets >>>

2004-12-30T01:18:00.000-08:00

(( Was inspired when I heard " Drops of Jupiter " by Train, always wanted to write a planet themed poem. Below is the result ))

I ran from home to see the moon, On the way I jumped from star to star,

I followed a shooting star, It went round the sun and it made me smile.

Mercury I passed in a hurry, It was fire dry, I would have turned into curry,

Venus was just too hot for me. I tried talking but she didn't look.

Mars was rusty and old, he thought I was trying to be bold, When I said he looked like mold,

I told Jupiter he was too big for his own good, He gave me a gravity sling-shot to Uranus,

I asked him for a bonus,but he said "Up your sinus!"

Then I saw Neptune and he said "Fly by me!" I told Pluto,"Grow up!" She said "Go back!" So I sidetracked.

I was there between the stars in the Milky Way, They waved me hello and goodbye.

Some were blue, some were yellow, Most were white, there were even red ones!!,

I saw a neutron star, It was at the center. He blasted me into a black hole,

And from there I write this fellow.

poem >>> with arms wide open

2004-12-30T01:17:00.000-08:00

(( meant this to be a song but I guess poem works too, they are just terms anyway))

Two thousand years ago, He gave us his life, They put a crown of thorns upon his head. He bled as they lashed him 40 times. They slapped,they spat and laughed at his bloody face.

They made him carry a cross up a hill. They gambled for the last ragged threads upon his body.

There,they nailed him. Long spiked pierced and dug into him,hungry for death. They stood the cross up for all to see his shame.

The ultimate sign of defeat was given to him. And,with a loving smile in his heart, He looked down at them and forgave them. With arms wide open (yeah he died upon the cross)

Now,Two Thousand years later, I open the news, And I see the killing, fighting, greed, disrespecting and selfishness. Some of them don’t know of the man who died for them long ago.

Some of them knew and most of them forgot. Cause it becomes easier to life their arms and strike again,

To pull the trigger and watch another having his last fall, To open their mouths and bring forth hurt, To wade in the slimy pools of sin. To rake in more and more dirt.

And to all of this,he just watches, With tears in his heart and an ache in his soul. Waiting for them all to return. With arms wide open (yeah he died upon the cross)

Children hating their parents, Parents beating and burning their children. Families, and brother and sister, don’t talk for years.

Sometimes,they forget why they fight. But they keep on mouthing evil words at each other. They don’t want to really forget, Then they won’t have a reason to keep on fighting.

But the good Lord upon the cross, Still bleeding, Has his bent head at us. And forgives them all if only they would remember. With arms wide open(yeah he died upon the cross)

They used to go to church, They used to put their hands together and pray for each other. Everyone was a brother, Now,they only come for Christmas, And maybe Easter. That is if they can remember.

The churches were full,they were happy praying people. Now,they still put their hands together. But only around glasses of poison. Their so called freedom, but it’s just a prison. In cachophonic places,filled with people who don’t care for each other.

And,yet,the good Lord, His heart weeps with more tears. And although his spirit is restless, He will forever wait for our return. With arms wide open (yeah he died upon the cross)

We couldn’t care for nothing, The poor diseased and mad man on the street. Lifting up his hands for a few coins. We don’t see the face of the man who died for us, We only see a stupid beggar,

The hungry child,with bones showing through his skin, With flies all around him. The old people in homes, Though we think they may be of no more use, They lived a life of sharing, But now it’s a burden for us to repay their deeds.

He’s always there to catch us if we but just let go of our old lives. If only we gave him a chance. With arms wide open(yeah he died upon the cross)

When we feel like dying, And people hate us for just being us. It becomes a chore just to carry on breathing. We’re numb to all around us.

When we’ve fallen into some black abyss, too deep to get out from. All our strenght has been spent.

When every cell in our body screams,”Please end this now!!”,

When we feel every thread of our shredded soul Could never be mended again.

Jesus Christ looks upon us to give us back our lives. Better and more than we ever had and ever could dream possible.

New life,new hope,new peace,faith and dreams.

And if we but just say “Yes!!!” He’s waiting there.

With arms wide open.

thought >>> meeting joe black

2004-12-30T01:16:00.000-08:00

(( This is a scene from the movie Meet Joe Black at bout the 7.30 minute to the 8.30 minute.Mr William Parrish(Anthony Hopkins) advises his daughter , Susan Parrish(Clare Forlani)bout love and having a relationship.I paused and played and took down the words.One of the best explanations of love I've heard.Sure, it's kind of head in the clouds, but I guess love is like that. ))

There is not an ounce of excitement,not a whisper of a thrill.

I want you to get swept away,

I want you to levitate, I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a derwish,

Yeah,be deliriously happy,or at least leave yourself open to be.

I know it's a corn ball thing,but love is passion, ..............obsession.

Someone you can't live without. Hrmp... I say fall head over heels,find someone you love like crazy and who love you the same way back.

How do you find him?

Well,you forget your head and listen to your heart.

I'm not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is honey,there is no use living your life without this.

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love,well,you've never lived your life at all.

But you have to try,because if you haven't tried,you haven't lived.

Stay open,who knows,lightning could strike.

poem >>> whenever

2004-12-30T01:15:00.000-08:00

Waked up one morning,the sun was shining, some of my friends were lying.

They didn't tell me about how life really was.

ome of them now lived in the past, Maybe bad times won't last, Living our lives as we once were,

I still can't stand being here. I think of us somehow, Maybe it's just me now. When we were together, we were friends whenever,

Now will we ever be together? We talked somehow, I could still remember.

Everyday I live, but somehow I don't feel alive, I breath,but I can't feel it,

What about all the other people, Why didn't God keep it simple? Should I make it with the world?

Maybe I should make it with me. When I'm perfect, I am not.

Maybe to be perfect is not to be.

poem >>> hello's and goodbye's

2004-12-30T01:14:00.000-08:00

I have been there since the beginning, When there were no souls to wonder and birds to sing, I made every one of them,

I know and love every one of them.

Some days I used pink,yellow and some orange, Some days,white,cream and in between, Other days,purple and red seems just right.

I set some swirls and swishes of white here and there, Some open blue spaces, Streaks of gold and silver through some clumps,

And every second I keep adding to it's kaleidoscope of shades. I take off some too,sometimes.

And as the sunrays weaves itself between the wisps of water, I give a smile to add to it's glow, But my smile fades when all the people don't give a glance at what I've made with such love and care,

They go about their work and lives, Some with saddened looks and most just an empty look.

Most of them are sad and stressed, I made the colours up above to take that all away, But they don't see it.

I wish they would just look up to see my hello's, in the mornings and goodbye's as the sun goes down, I would touch their souls and make the sadness go away,

If only for a while, It would set them free.

<<< computer games

2004-12-30T01:09:00.001-08:00

<<<>>>

From back in the early 80's when all we had was 4mhz 80086 pc's and an amazing 10 mb harddisks and 320kb RAM,computer users have always wanted to do more on their PC's other than type and do work. We had a need to be entertained.So in came the first generation of PC games.

Games such as PONG,Xenon, Bubble Bubble and Pacman.Anyone living in that era will surely remember those games.Me,I only started playing those games in 1992 and 1993.Yeah I was pretty back dated.

Man ,the hours I spent staring at my spacesip flying through space and dodging alien spaceships in Xenon was truly memorable.I still remember an alien asking me with what weapons I wanted to upgrade my ship with.Yup at that time it was pretty impressive even with a monochrome monitor.

Yeah,then came Febuary 1998.Aha, indeed a day to remember for a gamer like me.For, that was the day I got my Dell Pentium II 233Mhz PC.I guess it was at least 160 times faster than my old 286.WhooHoo!!It was time to play all my favourite games.

At that time my dream was to play Quake II on my PC late into the night.I once played Quake II from 11.00p.m-4.00a.m.Man, it was massive.But the really fustrating thing about playing PC games is they always need faster hardware and keeping up becomes a chore.And, another thing is that PC's tend to double their power and halve their price every 18 months.For example,the PC I bought cost me RM5000.Now I can get a PIII 450 at just RM2550.See?Double and half.Anyway, that's the way things are.

Indeed PC games have come a long way from the graphics,storyline,gameplay,system equirements and not forgetting violence level.The trend is always MORE,MORE,MORE.Better graphics,deeper storyline,hiher system requirements,and of course more blood and carnage. Computer games,it is a whole new story cause it's a self contained universe with it's own set of rules.

It gives humans power to create our very own "universes",instead of just fiddling with the reality that we are in,we can create our own set of rules governing this virtual world.We are able to programme our own creatures with it's own separate behavior through a.i and a reality as real as our own.Is this blasphemous or is it just a means of making our lives more comfortable like an artificial leg or some other man made appendage to help us?

I say we become disrecpectful of God and His creations when these v.u's [virtual universes] are used only for pure pleasure disregarding the commandments and rules He created in this reality that we live in now.Is this where computer games are heading?

I say this is exactly where computer games are heading.In these virtually created worlds,we are free from morals and rules. No one can arrest us for murdering, killing, raping, stealing or doing any other stuff we don't even dream of doing in real life.What we can do is only limited to what the game is actually about.I mean the PC games nowadays must contain some form of violence.

There are many genres of pc games and i am a very avid player of these games.Some of these genres are, fps[first person shooter where the gameplay is basically shoot anything that moves,although this trend is changing], adventure [where you control a character in a gameworld and must achieve certain goals in order to progress through the game;this can be achieve through many ways but usually involves killing].

CRPG[Computer Role Playing Game where you control a character and do the same things as in the adventure genre in either a futuristic or a fantasy world;the main diffrence being your character develops over time gaining experience and various skills],

Strategy[you control an empire or a group of people and you are usually able to bulid buildings, research new technology,maintain units of war and try your best to annihilate the opposition]

Racing[the usual racing done in the future,present or past],

Simulation[the gameplay simulates a certain vehicle,for instance a tank,plane or some future vehicle]sports[any type of sports under the sky,above it and even below it]and many other types of games mixing up the above genres into a cocktail.

Where is the thin line separating reality and the unreal drawn when we have the technology to create a v.u so real it becomes real for the player?

Maybe there will be gamers in the future who will just wipe out their memories and start anew in a v.u specially disigned for them to satisfy their every whim and fancy.This act of consciously going after the effects of these v.u's will lead us further away from God and His will.

But I myself have a arguement.Let's take chess for example;it is in fact a virtual microuniverse on it's own,with it's own set of rules and strategies. We as the players have to in a way destroy the opponent through the "killing" of his pieces and also choking him and limiting his gameplay.

Is this not a very simplified kind of v.u that we humans have created in order to satisfy our need to overpower others and bask in the glory of victory?And the amazing thing is that chess has been around for thousands of years.I personally think that the human race has this need to conquer and to humble others to gain some form of pleasure.

Through the years,we have added better media to portray the drama unfolding before us such as better graphics and effects through the help of computers and thus P.C games were born. Lets for now, make a comparison,between real life and it's closest counterpart in the P.C games genre,CRPG's.

In the game we start off as a rookie, a undeveloped individual on some mission,in real life,we start off as a rookie,a undeveloped invidual on a mission we haven't thought about yet.In the game,we learn new skills and hone the ones we already have,in real life we do the same.

I say the main difference is in a CRPG, when we make a mistake and die,we can reload a saved game and continue from there but in real life once we pop,we pop for good,unless you count heaven or hell as the next level,but that's another story for another day.

<<< l.0.v.e

2004-12-30T01:09:00.000-08:00

an article on love written almost three years back, my thoughts on love has changed somewhat since then, but most things are the same, now, i guess love is more of a many splendoured risk to me. we never know what we going to get

LOVE (ahh,gets you all excited right?) Yup,the other four letter word we Malaysians are afraid of saying out loud.Let me just make up for all the times someone dinna say this particular four letter word

LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,

Hmm exactly 140 times. Hahahahhahah!!!!Man,sometimes I kill myself.Okay nuff crazyness, time to be serious.Yup, serious,never thought I could be serious right?Hello?Yeah you over there, wanna pass the butter? Opps sorry,dreaming again.Where was I,yeah,good old LOVE.

Being a Christian,my perception of LOVE is pretty much centred around my faith.The Bible says LOVE is Kindness,care,and much of anything good you can think of.Trying to practice my faith as far as possible,I believe LOVE is when someone sacrifices his or herself for the other.I guess true LOVE is when you want something so much and yet you give it up for that someone you LOVE. Basically I guess it's not about lust,sex,talking,having fun,or just being together.

The full reality of LOVE. I guess can only be witnessed in sacrificing yourself even though it hurts you so much.Of course,there is nothing wrong bout holding hands and running between trees in a dreamy fashion,but I believe in something. If you gonna do something,do it right and this is about as righteous I can get.Maybe that's why I don't really feel comfortable when saying to someone I LOVE YOU cause,I ask myself,am I willing to go the distance for that person?

Am I willing to risk it all? My life even?My dreams? My desires and ambitions? I think this when sometimes my parents ask me if I LOVE them. Basically,when I think bout LOVE I think bout Jesus' LOVE for us all,yeah it's a very hard LOVE to live up to but I believe in taking the best in life and working from there.He died for us all.He gave up his comfortable throne to live like some beggar in the streets.He got His skin ripped from his flesh some 40 times(the Romans were very good at what they did),His wrists and feet punctured by long cold steel nails,his fore head torn from the 4 inch thorns given to him as a crown.

Why? So we can continue the killings, jealousy, pride, anger, lust, gossip, bad thoughts and shameless sins? You see, even though Jesus knew we were going to do all that, He did die on the cross for us anyway.Why? But Why in the crazy world did He want to do that?

Let the me tell you why, He did all that simply because HE LOVED US. a So remember,when you truly believe you LOVE someone,think of the most precious possesion you have and ask yourself,are you will to give it up for whomever it is you say you LOVE? Are you willing to go the extra distance? Will you do that faithful leap across the void of promises?

Note:This is a very idealistic view bout LOVE.Don't hold this article against me.I try to practice as much as possible as I preach but somethings are too way out there.I guess this is one of them,but don't worry, I'm still working on it. The word LOVE appears exactly 158 times in this article.Now,isn't that interesting?

kree-A-tivity

2004-12-30T01:07:00.000-08:00

though written sometime back i still believe in this. anarchy rules

The Deeper End Of The Walls oF The World

AKA

Over The Chinese Wall In Front Of it All

AKA Lost Me Marbles But Dinna Find It

AKA

ArtisTic Meddlings Of the Mind

AKA

Back To The GrassRoots Of Soul

AKA

RanDOm fillings From The beyond

AKA

Nutty With Lotsa jam and Loving It!!

I look at the world around me and keep seeing order and systems and rules.Sometime rules are good, sometimes they just hamper us from becoming all we can be.But the most dangerous rules existing are those we don't realise residing deep within our minds.

Rules set subconsciously by our parents, rulers,the mass media and friends.Rules that make up believe we are lesser than who we really are and not as good as the other person.What I am saying ties really well with what I am going to say next bout CREATIVITY.

Man Oh Man OH Man!! I really love this word.CREATIVITY.My uncle said CREATIVITY has a certain rule to it and guidelines.I say, take that statement and shove it somewhere where it can't be found ever!No disrespect to my uncle but this is how I feel.Take in a deeeeep breath,slowly let these 5 syllables escape your mouth and feeeel it slowly.I sincerely believe creativity is pure madness,chaos,disorder,anarchy and lawlessness.

Why such words?Ouch!CREATIVITY is when a person is able to create something totally new and original,never seen before.Try that, think of something you've never seen or experience before.Hard aye?.Maybe easy.I dunno.That is the highest level of CREATIVITY for me.Being limited to rules,laws and guidelines will definitely choke this CREATIVITEE.

I believe when there are no rules and laws and ANARCHY is the order of the day,only then will real creativity spill forth. I like looking at mad people and observing how they behave.I don't like them being that way but I try to learn something from them.At least their madness can help someone(like me for example) and their existance are not wasted.When I see mad people,I see geniuses.

Their minds are not limited to a fixed line of thinking.They are in a way free to go anywhere they want. within their minds.The only difference between them and real geniuses are the real geniuses are able to channel and focus all their CREATIVITY into doing something productive like coming up with e=mc squared or maybe a cool work of art.But I believe only a thin line separates the mad from the brilliant.

Looking at some geniuses, some of them were pretty eccentric.Einstein wore the same clothes always cause he doesn't want to change himself and his original way of thinking.Van Gogh was nuts and went frequently in and out of the asylum.I am sure if further research is done on all the great minds of the world, something common will be found.Guess what will it be?MADNESS I say.

We use our brain like only 5% or less.I think we are all eccentric and sometimes crazy or mad.Take this as a compliment. I believe those times when we go crazy, our minds are calling out to us to make more use of it.To use the other 90% and do all GOD meant us to do and become.So it's not like I am asking you to take a hammer and bash in your cranium and become a genius in an instant, but just sometimes let your mind roam to a place between reality and imagination,between the dead and the alive,between solid gold and hidrogen.

To wrap things up,welcome to a world without horizons and limits,to a unreal world where maggots and elephants walk hand in hand and grass grows in between a snake's legs and the mad laugh and cry because the can and they have a choice to do so.Where a long road goes on and on and only stops to look at some frogs jumping across it.Where the sun blooms and all the planets grow roots to take in the sunlight.

Where the people walk and realise that walking is indeed good as their hair are able to have some fresh air and water from the skies.Where plastic burns and bees come on to smell the sweet aroma and inhale the beautiful smoke.Where the eyes in your holes come alive and bounce around into the unknown and are joined with some other smile from an alien that somehow doesn't look so alien now.

I see a large body of gas laughing and somehow refuses to let a few bricks know it is having a good time.The time to roam the wonders of your mind is here.Grab it and hold on to it tight.

aNarchy is the order of the day!!

freedom

2004-12-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

<<<>>>

Freedom....Ahhh, such a nice sounding word aye? Come on now say it out loud,Freedom,let it roll in your tongue for a while.Freedom freedom freedom.I always used to wonder,why in the world did God make us? That question kept bugging me like no other.Then at last it struck me right on the left knee.

I guess the most probable anwser is that God is a generous God and he wants to share his experiences of being alive and being able to see,hear,taste,smell and touch and just experience life with us all.I guess He would have liked to see all of us loving and caring for one another and worshipping Him too.

But the most important thing is,he gave us freewill/freedom to do as we please.He did not just create some automatic robots to follow all his wants but He gave us something very precious to me,freedom. When I was travelling in a bus a few days back from collage,I realised something,how much I relish my freedom and the extent to which it has influenced my decision making process and my actions in the past.

For instance,somehow when asked to study for an exam,I feel restricted and will not do it properly. But,if I'm given a lotta books to read on my own, I will do so(maybe it was just plain lazy but if that was the case,I wouldn't read those books on my own right?) And,my interests and hobbies too reflect my need to use and express my freedom.I like art,science,and mostly all the subjects tought in school.

But the reason I like them all is because I am able to create and discover new stuff by myself and not just memorise all that's given to me.Sadly,the education system in Malaysia seldom rewards creative new ideas and innovation.If you get too creative, they say "We won't give you marks cause those answers aren't in the list of acceptable answers".I do not blame the goverment cause being a non developed country,maybe the best way of education is a non specialised one.But I believe we as students should be given a choice weather to learn in a creative/discussion/innovative atmosfear or otherwise.

Anyway this article I'm writing is for all of you out there who feel the same way as I do.But, I believe with enough demand,the rules of education in Malaysia will change.So stand up and question.,ask,demand for a better education.I did(at least in Form 4 and Form 5,actually that's why I dinna do so well then) Ahhh, really I cannot leave this paragraph out.I guess being 20 and not ever having a girlfriend too has something to do with my need for freedom.In the conventional sense a girlfriend is someone who in a way "belongs" to you to a certain degree.

The same goes for a boyfriend.In this aspect,I would say my freedom to mix/go out with other girls may hurt my girlfriend.And really there is enough of hurt already in the world.So for now,I would rather have many girlfriends(well,girlfriends as in a friend who is a girl) and mix and get to know myself more through interaction with them rather than pick one and in a way stay in a nutshell.But the best setup for me now would be to have a someone special, be it boy or girl that I can always depend on in times of trouble and trials.There has to be a understanding between us that we are special friends but at the same time are free to mix with whomever we choose.

I guess that would be it. Let's just analyze for a moment the stuff that limits our Freedom.

Let's just analyze for a moment the stuff that limits our Freedom.

1. People

In a reserved country like ours,one of the main things that limits our freedom are people.It certainly stops us from becoming all we can be.What if I fail?What if people start laughing at me?What if they don't like the way I am?One of the most famous techniques used to instill fear in children is "Don't do whatever cause that person is looking at you!"I guess somehow it got stuck as we grew up.

<<<>>>

Hey wake up !!God himself made you.You certainly are the best.You won the swimming race to the egg right?You beat a few million others right?(well maybe you weren't fully you at that time but you were at least 50% you )So, in whatever unique way you can don't be afraid to live your life to the fullest and express all you want to express and believe.And guess what? This is your one and only life God's gonna give you.I don't think there is a second chance.(well you may belief in reincarnation ,but that's up to your freedom, remember?)

So if you wanna be a chef,musician,singer,actor or any other thing to express yourself,go ahead.Let no one tell you that, that job doesn't pay well.Money?Hey,watch the money flowing in when you're doing what YOU like to do.Even if the dough doesn't start rolling in,the job itself will be payment enough cause you're enjoying what you're doing.

It's My Life,I'm Gonna Live It To The Max.

2. Myself

Well, actually this should be number one.Hmm if I dance and fall I'm never gonna dance again.I can't do that!!That is too hard!! I'm not good enough.I don't think I can do it.How many time have we said this things to ourselves?

<<<>>>

Belief.In a way this belief is similar to the belief article I wrote under God and Jesus.Check it out if you haven't.This is self belief.Mariah Carey's Hero comes to mind.The belief or refusal to accept the weakness in oneself is that something that gives a normal mortal that extra edge to push the limits of oneself and go beyond the ordinary in to the special realm of extraordinarism.

So the next time you wanna do something just say to yourself YES I CAN!!! and just do it.And if just let's say you fail,hey,according to the law of probability,you've just increased your chances of success.And I belief failure definitely teaches us a better lesson than success.Because,once a failure is overcome,one beomes stronger.Troubles/failures that we do not allow to overcome us only helps us to become stronger.

Remember!! Failure is only final if you STAYdown!!

3. Circumstances/Enviroment

I blame the goverment!!I hate all the unfair people.My parents do not give me enough freedom!! My office/school/collage/university stinks!They do not listen to me!!I don't have any friends!! Have you said those things before?I know I have. Lesly's Arguement I belief in whatvever enviroment someone is put in he/she still has a certain degree of freedom.

Has anyone watched the movie The Shawshank Redemption? It's about this banker wrongly accused of killing his wife and her lover.His name was Andy Dufresne (If I remember correctly)He said something really profound in that movie."You either get busy living or get busy dying"Soon after that he made his way to freedom.He swam through 500 yards of the most foul smelling shit and came out a clean man. He did not let the circumstances he was in get the better of him.

He stood tall and always believed in himself.People can take away your car,your house,even your loved ones ,but there is something they can take away.Your freedom to think any way you want. Observe this.Thinking leads to talking,talking leads to actions,actions to habits and then to personality and character and finally to your destiny.

So be it whatever circumstances you are in,lift your head up high and know that you are greater than any circumstances and will overcome any obstacles.Well,God helps a lot too.So pray and talk to Him.I belief the tougher the life we have, the stronger we will turn out .So, thank GOD for all the trials and tribulations in your life and thank Him too for trusting you enough in handling those troubles.

I Am Greater Than Any Negative Circumstances Because God is With Me.

on being a christian

2004-12-30T01:04:00.000-08:00

I developed very late for a guy.I only started growing a moustache when I was 17.My armpit hair started growing when I was 18.Hmm....the other hairs,never grew.So some of my friends kept making fun of me,hence a need to believe in myself arose.So I began to think.What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his facial hair?Body hair?His rounded ass?Some other body parts I shouldn't mention?

I thought and thought and thought.Then it hit me.I analyzed many great men and discovered what makes a man a man is his belief and the degree to which he stands by it.Check this out, Mahatma Ghandi believed in the freedom for his people and died for it. Jesus,well I can't say be believed in God cause He is God.

But he believed in the power God's given Him and used it to good effect healing the sick Martin Luther King believed in the practice of non-violence and stood for the black people. These are just a few examples of the beliefs behind great men, driving them onward.

I mean,behind every person who actually made proper use of his time here on earth,there was surely some form of belief and a set of principles he/she stood by. Nowadays,I really don't see much people actually having a good set of principles/beliefs and actually practising it.Most of the guys in my collage wouldn't think twice about having sex before marriage.

Just show me some flesh!!But being a Christian,what can I do but say to them it ain't a good thing to do.They say "But what if the girl wants to do it?"I tell em well,if the more I loved and cared for a girl,the more I wouldn't do it.And,somehow after saying this,they blink at me as if I just told them I ate a gibbon for breakfast.

The basic concept just doesn't get to them.I really thank God for being a Christian. It has given me a set of the best beliefs and principles I could ever have.In a world where morals and principles and beliefs don't count for nothing,I am happy I've made an active or at least try my best to live the beliefs and morals I keep reading in the Bible. I mean look at it this way.

Take any man on the road,and take away his car, his clothes,his handphone,maybe even his body which he has spent so moch time on in the gym,every physical thing he has and what do you get?His BELIEFS AND PRINCIPLES.So,it will be really sad to see him having nothing at all worth mentioning after removing all the physical things he has.

So,let me end this blaberring by saying,just take some good principles,if possible,all of em from the Bible or any of the many motivation/self improvement books around and make them yours.If you have done so already,GOOD for you.If you haven't now is a good time as any. With that, let me give you a guide as to how to lead a good life.If you can say this at the last few moments of your life,and really mean every word you say,I think you would have made me and above else GOD proud.

"I have fought the good fight,I have finished the race,I have kept the faith.From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness,which the LORD,the righteous judge,wil give me on that day,and not only to me but also to all who hae longed for his appearing"

Taken from 2 Timothy 4.22 Just also happens to be my favourite verses from the Bible.I really hope to say it one day and mean it.

a first, then an i

2004-12-30T01:03:00.001-08:00

Many people are worried there will come someday when the human intellect and brain will be overtaken by maybe some lab grown brain cells or maybe quantum computers or whatever it is that might take shape in the future.Some predict this will happen in about 20 years.

But I believe in the human soul and spirit.That something,that although could be programmed will surely not be able to pass the human test.It's like the CGI we see now in movies.

No matter how realistic they are able to make the digital humans, they still lack that life in them, it is beyond movement,beyond the spots and freckles on the face,beyond the look in the eyes.

I believe humans although can't directly see the human soul or spirit, as we lack the physical sense to, but I believe we somehow get a feel something is there and something within us (maybe our OWN soul/spirit) somehow connects with the other being's soul/spirit.

This happens/doesn't even through the distance between the screen and the movie goer.What more in real life? Even if the physical part is not there, we will still realise something is wrong with the whole picture.

We will surely be able to create 99% real humans, mere simulcrums, but the real deal, I guess God (or whatever/whomever it is you believe the soul/spirit comes from) has to put that in. And somehow I get the feeling He won't.

But who's to say,

God?

kids and adults

2004-12-30T01:03:00.000-08:00

WHY CAN"T "ADULTS" BE KIDS? Quite some time since I wrote something.But I was thinking something in the car the other day.Of kids.I love kids.They don't hide anything.If the hate you,they say,"I hate you",if they like you,they say so too.They don't like a present someone gives them,they make a face and give it back..If they feel pain or are angry,they cry or scream.If something catches their eye,like a plane in the sky,they look up and stare.

Along the way,"good" parents have made it so their kids become politically correct.Smile when someone gives you something you don't like,tell small white lies so you won't "hurt" the other person,don't just look where you're not supposed to like other people's funny faces..Soon...they become another good civilised person and they make their parents so proud.Something not quite okay,huh?

I always make it a point to practice the good points of a kid,like being stone blunt about things and appreciating the small stuff in life.Most of my other "civilised" friends don't like it,but somehow,someone will come around to really seeing what matters most in life.

Give me one straight, honest comment about myself,than a thousand false "almost true" comments. I guess you really have to let the inner kid out sometimes..People who are unable to do so willingly,go to shady,smoky places and take in a chemical liquid known as alcohol,so they "lose control" and then have a "valid" reason to be a total pain or to just let loose and enjoy themselves.

Something to think about aye? So...just let go of yourself and be a kid sometimes...

lll eulogy

2004-12-30T01:02:00.000-08:00

I wrote this during a Fondacio (a community of Christians of which I am part of) camp with the theme "Relationships". We talked about how we related to all the people in our live and there was a part when we we asked to write what we hoped someone (perhaps our mom/best friend) would say about us after we died. Here is what I hope my best buddy will day about me.But reading this eulogy now, I think I could have done better.Too much of "I" and "he", but ,maybe it's because it is a eulogy and it's about one person who died. I only hope to and with all my best effort, live this life

Lesly..Ahhhh...He was his own person.He was well versed with his list of personal values and principles.He had his own ways yes, he was sometimes hard to deal with,but he is as true a person as any one of us present here could be.

He asked me not to cry on his funeral,to laugh and know that he has gone to a better and more beautiful place.And I know he is in that very place right now.

He brought joy and fun wherever he went,he made people around him alive and free.He was always in touch with his spirit and soul,a true free spirit.He never failed to see the beauty in others no matter how mad they made him feel or how bad they were.

All his life, he tried his best to love others just as God loves him.He brought joy and excitement into my life.He gave me strength when I was down,he filled me even when he had little.

He always tried to live his life every day as if it were his last.He always lived his live to the fullest.He loved a passage in the Bible from 2 Timothy 4.22

"I have fought the good fight,I have finished the race,I have kept the faith.From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness,which the LORD,the righteous judge,wil give me on that day,and not only to me but also to all who has longed for his appearing.

" He held on to this passage all his life.This is what he said with all his strength and with all he had with his last breath. And he said it with the biggest smile we ever saw.

Everywhere and anytime he went, he brought new dimensions and opened new doors,even created new ones that were not there.

He made people see the things they were afraid to see.He gave the blind in mind/soul/spirit eyes to see.The deaf and dumb ways to shout out to the world and show the world their beauty.

He told me once the greatest achievement in His life is to have made a difference in at least one person's life.To have affected him/her in such as way as to lead them into heaven.I know he has done just that with everyone he communicated.

He seldom did reveal his full true self to others,but he had such a beautiful and idealistic world within him.But to those patient enough and asked the right questions, he gladly shared this world with them.And what a difference it has made in the lives of those who did.

He always felt that people were the most important aspect of his life and are the actual representation of God,therefore treating them accordingly. This is to you my man...Lesly Leon Lee.

It has been the pleasure for us all knowing you.

AHHAHAAAHAAHAHAH!!!!That's for you (looking upwards)

GOD: Artist or Scientist?

2004-12-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

I have always tried to put my finger on this entity called God.I am a Catholic but that is besides the point I will try to make now.The God I know is too BIG to squeeze into only one "Religion". I have been in various conversations regarding God. His existance, His being, His undeniable link to our souls. Many people (me included) just can't seem to put God into perspective.I have come to the understanding this was never meant to be if we just take God at face value.

Our souls and spirit are intricately linked with God and it is only through this channel we are fully able to live this life here on earth with him. The main faiths around the world can fully bear witness to this statement.

We may communicate with God at many levels,physically,emotionally, mentally,soulfully,spiritually maybe even some other means we have yet to discover.

These levels can be further branched out. Such as physically, with some physical gesture wheather big and external (like the pyramids and churches we build) or even the smallest and closest, like holding someone's hand and feeling something more than just touch. Mentally, we may try to figure out this universe which is part of His creation.

A child may wonder why is milk white, not blue and a scientist may work at the cutting edge of science, trying to unravel the very fabric of space-time with some funky-time quantum mechanics and superstring theory, (but then again lets leave that to the pros).

We could write a poem, paint a picture. The poem could even be some computer code on some program. The programmers out there an maybe some others will know. The picture could be some graffiti on the side of an alleyway down some dinky lane.

The closest we would get to him here on earth is what I will be writing about below. I mean, What is He? Who is he? How do we even begin to reach him?

I love the arts too and the many cacophonic forms it comes in. I mean, some people take a shit on the pavement an they call it art, even a fart is an art for some. But lets not get into details, cause the devil is in the details and that is another story for another day.

The point I want to raise here is the connection between God and Music. Let is set the parameters of what we are talking about here first. What or who is God? That I can't tell for sure. Although God is unchanging and the same always, our human interpretation of what God is, is very unique and personal.So I don't want to shove what I think about God down your mind-throat.

Now, what is music? Is it melody?A song? A tune plucked from thin air? Must it have a voice? Must it have a certain rythm?

I think music is what makes our hearts/souls dance.If we let it go and take control, it makes us want to transfer that dance from within our spirit to our hands, our feet. We gyrate, we move, we put into physical motion what stirs within our souls. It is the language in which the physical world which God made talks to us. Sometimes we don't even hear the tune or any music in our ears but in our soul. Does that make it any lesser? I don't think so. Sometimes, when we are quiet enough, we can hear a silent music playing all around. It envelopes and emcompasses everything around. We don't have to hear music to feel it.

Something like God aye? We don't have to have scientific evidence obtained through our 5 senses to know he exists.In fact if we did that, after extensive data collection and theories obtained from empirical data, we would surely prove that "GOD DOES NOT EXIST" . We feel, we open ourselves, we let go, we dissapate. We just float and then we know He is there.

From the beginning of civilisation, humans have yearned to bang on something, two sticks, some rocks. Pluck on the first bow string. Soon, this became a signature gesture at almost every ritual. And in these rituals, lie the beginnings of a deeper want to connect with something bigger, something beyond the food eaten everyday and the community life the early humans shared. Some believed in the vast nature the saw around them, that was their first experience of God. They mirrored the birds singing, the dance of the mongoose.

The shamans of the Eskimos,the Aleuts,the Cherokees and Inuit.

The bomohs of South East Asia, Thailand, Malaysia,Indonesia.

The voodoo priests of the African nations, Jamaica, Botswana, Zimbabwe.

The witches of the later civilisations, famous ones being the ones from Salem, North America.

What is common with all of the above? Music. Some sort of tune, either sung or just produced from some guttral throat sounds. Maybe some dance to go along with it. Then we sing hymns in church, sing the Ragas and play the tabla and sitar, Nusrah Fateh Ali Khan does a rendition of qiwwali and praises God, the Muslims shout out their quranic verses in mosques, the Buddhist monks in Nepal hum and their mantras resonate through the mountains.

Even the people who call themselves Satan worshippers do the same. Satan would not exist if it was not for God. Basically they are just worshipping the reverse mirror image of God.

God is love and which love is complete without music? Remember the famous "Darling, do you hear OUR song playing?"

Soo....just listen to all the music the world has to offer. Music has no price, no value can be placed on it. How can we put a price on something so precious?

Just float with the notes.

Story >>> andy-QD

2004-12-29T23:16:00.000-08:00

( I wrote this story sometime back.Sent it to a few people but dinna get any reply. It's me first SF story. Had to write something after all those stories I read. I am really into Sci Fi. Arthur C. Clarke once said, given technology that is advanced enough, it will be magic. That is how a stone age man would view a lighter i guess. Nanotechnology is the next big wave to hit us after this Internet age, just do a google and type nanotechnology or check out www.nanozine.com. Everything in my story will be possible within 30-40 years,maybe sooner,looking at how fast tech is progressing. )

The whole process of creating the self-replicating AI robots only took 40 years. From the year 2000,with only rudimentary AI and simple prototyping, to the advanced quantum minds and nanotechnology assembling in 2040.NASA sent the self replicating nano machines to Mars on Feb 2040 with hopes of it terraforming the surface of Mars within 5 years. It arrived on Mars on GMT 12.37 am, 19 May 2040.

The machines worked on the principle of transforming the abundantly available iron oxide and carbon dioxide into steel (recombining the iron and carbon) and releasing the oxygen into the atmosphere. Water would be created using the ammonia, separating the hydrogen from the ammonia and combining it with the oxygen from the iron oxide and carbon dioxide. The whole process worked on the nanotech machine’s ability to disassemble and reassemble individual atoms.

A main quantum computer far beyond the abilities of a normal human brain controlled these machines. This machine AI would send out probes built from the materials gathered from the surface to gather information on the development of the planet and then evaluate and analyze it’s decisions and based on the information gathered from it’s probes, would make the necessary changes for creation and development of the best and most efficient way of terraforming the planet. No communication would be necessary with Earth. From experience, NASA discovered that maintaining communication with their projects were too risky and unreliable. Hence, the whole system was self-contained. This system was nicked A.N.D.Y-QD for Advanced Dynamic Quantum-Nanobrain. ANDY for short.

Another task set for the system was to build fully functioning buildings for future colonist. The whole task was done by the same nanotech machine-factory in charge of making the probes and terraforming the planet. The main task of this sub-system was to create additional nano machines to fully colonize the planet.

The main supply of power was obtained from the recombination of the oxygen and hydrogen to form water, utilizing the by then extremely effective fuel cell method. Additional power was obtained from the individual nanobots equipped with atomic solar panels.

But the best thing about the whole system was that it was able to learn by itself, through the information gathering probes it sent out. It’s AI quantum brain was designed to dynamically become smarter as time passed by. After only 10 years, the terraforming was well on its way. And proving just how smart the designers of ANDY were, on the first Sunday of August 2050, ANDY asked itself (or more appropriately now, himself) “Who am I?”. With that basic question, ANDY knew there was more to life than serving his master.

And with all he knew, he started to spend all it’s resources on building more of his kind. It was only fair that he evened the odds of numbers his master unquestioningly had. One makes 2 and 2 makes 4 and by the end of the year, millions of tiny little ANDIES were running about behaving as if Mars belonged to them. But it wouldn’t be right to say as if because only a few more steps would need to be taken to warrant not saying as if.

ANDY thought for a long time about his master and his capacity for violence against anything even remotely superior to itself. In fact that was how his master became master, by either fully controlling or just obliterating anything that could take away it’s crown. They were always the best and they knew the best. They were at the top of the food chain and were very comfortable being there.

By the middle of 2051, there were a billion roving, smart-ass nanobots each as smart as ANDY was and equally independent on good ole Mars. That’s when the NASA head honchos decided to check on the whole operation. They sent a 5 men crew to check on the terraforming of Mars and the possible dismantelization of ANDY’s terraforming capabilities if the planet was ready for colonization.

“Sweet Balls of My Uncle Rob!, would you take a look at this?” Captain Nahrain almost wet his suit talking to his crew . Second in command, Alice Nads , Roy the biological expert , Garth the Special Situations man and Aurora the half-Cherokee stopped what they were doing immediately and came to the holographic surface scanner Nahrain was looking at. “People, I got some real sweet news for us all, THERE IS NO TERRAFORMING!!”

They landed on the planet which by now looked more like a silver ball from space than anything else. They must have toasted a least a thousand nanobots coming in. But ANDY didn’t mind, it had plans to make all mishaps seem unimportant. The whole planet looked like some toy nanoball that was all the rage back home now.

There was no air, not even the stale CO2 everyone knows Mars love. It was a pure vacuum on the surface. There were none of the massive living complexes they were expecting to find. In it’s place were huge structures looking like they came out of a H.R Giger movie. But somehow the place felt alive and they knew they were being watched. There was an eerie sense of the whole place watching them, even the very ground they were walking on.

The crew of five never knew what hit them, but they when they awoke, they were back home and were very glad that the new planet was ready for a full colonization mode. They reported the green grass prairies, the huge expanses of natural lush jungles and they massive oceans of. The very happy people of planet Earth popped bottles of milk and drank down their new victory over Mars .

New hope of a new world which would solve the food, population and political problems bugging the world for decades now bloomed in every one of them. They filed their very positive reports back to the main office and the colonists, ready for a new life took off for Mars on GMT 6.00am December 11 2051.

When they arrived on the planet in a week’s time, 4,234,843 were not people anymore that day. ANDY made sure they were not people any more than his other so-called nanobots were persons. He made sure they were better than when they came. It was only a matter of converting and reshuffling their individual atoms to better suit his taste.

As those 4 million or so people sent back some very positive reports back home, asking their loved ones to come on over, it was all they imagined it to be and more, at that point ANDY knew who was the new boss of the food chain and he had a little grin.

story >>> Sir Athlan

2004-12-29T23:14:00.000-08:00

(i love medievel weapons and the good old days when problems were solved fair and square, with cold steel, no circumventing, strategizing and shitty back stabbin' diplomacy, just put the metal to the bone.with violence, there is a brutal honesty, violence is pure and untainted, what i see is what i get. thank you very much. nothing quite like seeing two grown men duking it out. always wanted to write a short story about some medievel knight doing his jiving since reading the 'Lone Wolf" series of play books. here's my try, not quite done yet. i hope this is just a preview)

Violence is pure, you know what you gonna get. No wondering what the other person is up to.

Sir Athlan always knew this dreaded time would come.Facing all his inner demons, projected upon the unknowing enemy. He checked his armour and made sure the seams were secure. Armour forged by the hands of his own father 56 years ago.

He flexed his gauntlets and felt as ready as he always was.The gauntlets wrapped around the hand which took countless lives in the name of his King.His sword,ahhhhhh......his beloved sword.He himself picked out the perfect ore needed to shape the double bladed axe as he envisioned it,many killings ago.He had worked it for 5 months,folding the metal again and again,200 layers of grime,sweat and skill.

He engraved the runes of his forefathers upon the blade, memories of long battles and deaths that could have been avoided. At the length of his arm and half again,it never failed him,cutting down his foes as easily as he once cut the weeds of his fathers fields. And soon,they came, a dozen of the best swordsmen sent by....it doesn't matter now,they will soon be gone. He felt the sweat trickle down his cheek,through his wollen neck guard and down his chest.

He lived for moments like this,when it was not known wheather he was there or somewhere else with Unsel under some tree. He gripped the handle of his axe and readied himself,right feet forward and left feet angled to the door. He drew in comfort from the weight of his axe.He never did believe in shields.

Why spend precious time blocking when one slash of his axe could mow the attacker down? The first of them came crashing at him,carrying a mace and a three balled crusher.He didn't think as he parried the blow to the left and used the momentum to continue a blow to the underside of the bent over warrior.

Blood splashed on his helmet and there it was,the battle was officially under way.Three others came at him,one tripping on the body of the unlucky first attacker.He gave a mighty swipe with the right blade and they ripped apart at the waist.

Thoughts

2004-12-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

My mind wonders sometimes, and when it does I let it, push it even. Here are some of the handyword of that wandering around.

in this world of order and control, we lose track of what boils within, what speaks to us from the inner pits of our minds. i try to let my inner child come out as much as possible and i talk to him, make friends, get to know him better. here's what's happens.

some of the articles, i wrote sometime back, but i still feel obliged to post it here. the thoughts and experienced from 3 years back which help form lll to what he is today, i belief needs telling.

would an artist, painting a picture when he was pained and in anguish throw away the painting when he became better?

same with me here, only difference is, my paintings are formed by words.

Stories

2004-12-29T23:07:00.000-08:00

I love reading books and really getting into what i read, the funny thing is i tend to produce what i consume, i write when i love reading, i really want to make a movie after seeing so many good ones, i like making plays and acting and i love watching movies. i like making art pieces using 3D software like 3D studio max when effects like the bullet-time photography of trinity falling down a building spraying Uzi machine gun fire at an agent are shown to me. for me, the consumption must lead to creation, why? i don't know. that's just the way i am and i thank god for it. here is lll doing some stories, i will add some more, be sure of that.

lost-klang gate ridge

2004-12-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting experience bout 3 weeks back. On 1st Feb(Wilayah Day) me collage friends and I went for jungle walk at The Klang Gate Ridge also known as the Quartz Hills.It's in Setapak,near Taman Melawati.Real cool place with lotsa nice scenery.I went there once,but I forgot the exact way.

So,I missed that I had to turn off the track after the 3rd rope (there were ropes from one hill to another as some of the drops were vertical).This place is really unique,as it's like a walking on the cutting edge of a real huge jagged sword.There are sudden vertical drops and vertical inclines.And there's a nice balance of jungle and rocks.But one of the most impressive things is on one side of the ridge,there is this real cool view of a huge lake and jungle(like in the picture),but on the other side there's this hge expanse of KL and the concrete jungles.

Real good spot to literally see the difference.It's like you're standing right on the zero of before and after development. Well...so we went on to the 4th rope,went down it and then,here things get interesting.I saw to the left there was a straight drop of maybe 300 feet through some rocky hole in the side of the hill.

I was holding a branch overhead and suddenly slipped on the soft ground.I would hve taken a dive if not for the branch.Straight ahead there was this sheer vertical cliff.Bout 100 feet high.To get to this cliff, there was a 200 feet drop and about a 30 feet gap from the drop to the cliff face.The third option was at least possible.But it was completely overgrown with heavy underbush. We saw UIA(Uni Islam Antarabangsa) in the distance and thought if we just kept going straight,we'll just reach the highway.

So that's what we did.But boy oh boy..What a journey,there were tons of criss-crossing vines of rattan shoots that were filled with tiny thorns at some points.Abraham kept going on but Hanson kept saying "What lah Lesly,I don't want to see our names in the papers tomorrow".

But I was pretty sure we were safe,cause it was about 3.00pm and we still had time to make it out before it got dark.We had to follow the sound of the highway nearby and we followed a small stream.But we did make it out bout 1.5 hours later.Man...was I happy to be out.We just toasted 2 packets of sausages and had one loaf of bread by the side of a road just outside UIA.

Ahh......nice...the picture is of us before the real fun began.Hanson is on the left and Abraham is in the middle.Hanson had a digicam and we did an autoshot. Enjoyed the view so much,though I would share it with you all.Enjoy!!!

AYD- Taiwan

2004-12-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

(lots of spelling mistakes, some deliberate, some by mistake.this was a very relaxing experience, wanted the language to show that. enjoy anyway)

Ahhhhh....finally I am getting a chance to write something.I've been real real busy for the past 3 weeks.I went to Taiwan for the Asian Youth Day.It was from 10-20 August. Those were the best 10 days of me life, 240 hours of FUN!!!The flight was at 4.50 PM Friday 10 August.There were 41 of us fom all over Malaysia. After looking forward to flying for like my whole life,at last I get to experience it.

Too bad it was in a jumbo jet and not a ultra-light,couldn't really feel the flying.But the lift off was good,only it was a bit too smooth.Should have been bumpier.I saw the strips of steam on the wing tips when it was at the lift-off angle.I was practically looking out of the window the whole time through.The sky was excellent.There were many layers of clouds.The ones nearer moved faster and the ones further moved slower.They looked real 3D.I could see the ocean from the height we were at.

The highest we were at was 33,000 feet and the temperature went down to -33 degrees celsius.The fastest was bout 830 kph.Three new records for me there,coldest,fastest and highest,all at one go.The flight lasted 4.5 hours.They served some sorta seafood rice.I had apple juice and some guava juice.Was good. The approach was good too.I could see all the lights in Taipei at the Chang Kai Sek airport.We stayed at a nun's convent that night.It was more like a 3 star hotel.Real posh man!!.

The garden really looked good with the bonsais and all.The next day we went to the Catholic Resurrection Church at Taipei itself.We then left to live with our foster families. My foster mom was Cecelia,dad was Wilson and they had 3 kids,Caroline 17,Cheryline 15,Charlie 13.They treated me real well.I showed them my family pictures and they showed me theirs.At bedtime,they all took part in making me bed.One brought the pillow,one brought the blanket and one the comforter. I slept in the hall on a sofabed.It was real comfortable. Could have been the bed,could have been the kindness.

Charlie was learning ballet for 3 years,Caroline liked interior designing and packaging design,Cheryline liked playing the french horn and basketball.They wanted me to play basketball with them at 6.00am,I slept at 12.15am but was really tired.That night Ceceia asked me what I wanted for breakfast and I said,it's okay,just get what you always get.And the next morning,they did get what they usually get but it looked like what they usually got the whole week put on one sitting.

They had this real weird drink.Cecelia made this fruit drink from whole lemons(with the seeds and skin),kiwi,orange and a few other fruits.Real nutritious but tasted real bitter.But I got used to it.Too bad that was only at the second last gulp.But I dinna want to ask for a second glass,too much effort in drinking it. We then went back to the Catholic Resurrection Church.

There was a group sharing between the youth at the church and the Malaysian youth.We discussed our expectations for the AYD and then there was a massive eating session.The biggest pot luck in a church I've seen,and it was all good stuff!!I stuffed myself with all the stuff and became really stuffed.We left for Fu Jen Catolic University then, in the afternoon.At this time it was already Sunday.

There were bout 650 youths there,from 19 countries.I was expecting more like 3 thousand and 40 countries,well,I guess for God's work,one even one is enough.Good thing we had 650. From that Monday till Friday,we had all sorts of fun stuff like action songs every day,sometimes like 5 times a day,that was what struck me the most.The action songs!!

The first day,Sunday I think,I was at the Malaysian section and at the back of the Malaysian section was Nepal,I turned around and saw this real pretty exotic looking girl(from Nepal I presumed),Ahhh....wasting no time I shifted places to the back and talked to a Father also from Nepal and Yog another Nepalese guy.The girl was off to somewhere,had to do a presnetation I guess. I waited for her to come back and introduced myself. Yahoooo!!! No regretting ("I should have talked to her on the first day itself")

Her name was Anu and before that,I made sure I found out what was How are you in Nepalese,it was "Aram He?".Tested it out but she gave me a blank look. We had this something called the bamboo rite,where we were given a bamboo piece each and we were asked to write a bible passage in it.Then,everyone exchanged bamboos with each other.I exchanged me bamboo like 6 times,then they stopped us and asked us to go round meeting new people and banging their bamboos.We had a real massive knocking session.We also had a dance called "The Scarf Dance".

We tied ropes together and connected the scarves given to us to it.Then they played music,we all held the scarves and danced with it.It was real massive man!!!All of us connected together.Nice! We had a cultural persentation of all the countries on the last day.The Malaysian team did a combination cultural dance.The Taiwan presentation was real funny with dragon dances and martial arts.(with metal bending and all,but comically done).The other presnetation was good too.I liked the aboriginal dance of the Taiwanese mountain people.Real fast and fun.

We had a chance to join them at the end where there was a massive dance session,almost everyone was on the gym floor,most in circles,with someone coming into the center and the rest following on.Funny thing is that they had songs from Icky Martin,(Shake your bon-bons) And Britney Spears.(I dinna like it,what the heck?)The same exact people they were talking about being bad influence to the youths of today.But I guess the ppl playing the songs dinna understand english and just played it for the beat.

Even the priest and nuns were dancing,one or two bishops too.Nice,but not nice songs.Ahhh what the heck,we sure had a ton of fun. Basically the message is to be saints for the new millenium and we are proud to be asian,we are the chruch,and we are asian. The Malaysian team met every night at 10 pm.

Somehow,I was feeling real lethargic and sleepy.So I cut one meeting and played basketball with some Taiwanese guys at 11.00pm.Said I was going to the toilet.Dinna come back.Went back to me room at 12.30pm.Got some screwing the next day.It was worth it. There was a Marian procession too,I was on the way to the start of it when I met Anu on the way,she was with Yog,he was to carry one of the torches.

I helped her carry one of the bags she was lugging,she kept saying so kind/nice of you.Ahhhhhh.....Lucky you're here,dunno what I would do if you weren't.Then we were looking at the sky when she said hey,look at that,that star is moving,(actually the clouds were moving)I told her so and she kept saying it was the star,then looking more.. she smiled and aggreed.Real cute..I offered her some water at the end of the procession,she took it and drank like a real man....Nice again...Ahhhhh...really feeling the missing thing writing this.Fabian from Sabah thought me a new word,"Kum Pau" meanin flirting.Then he started calling me Kum Pau King.

Don't mind, there's good and bad kumpauing. The last day at the Uni,it was Friday and for the whole time we were there,it finally rained..Fuh...romantik gila..6 days of hottt sun and when we were leaving,it rains..nice movie..They were all waving us goodbye from the ground.We were in the bus. We then went to Hua Lian.We went to the Taroko National Park.But wait,on our way there,I and me sister was really enjoying watching the waves crashing into the cliffs,we were taking the east side coast road.There were really huge waves.

Some of em were at least 3m high.Like 10-12 feet high.We stopped over for a toilet stop.I ran right across the road to the waves.I had to see em up close.I had to cross a railway track.My sister came along after a while.I was finding a way to get to the ocean but there was a 15 feet drop from a concrete wall,and there was no way to get down,but I was saying to my sister,we gotta try,I see good stuff cause I do stuff other ppl don't have the guts to do.At that time,me sis said we gotta go maybe a train will pass.

Shit man,just as she said that,I heard a far away sound of a train.We were just like 2 feet away from the tracks.My sis wanted to cross over but I said better not risk getting stuck.So we sat on the ledge of the concrete wall and as the train was passing by,small pebbles fell from it.I imagined a rock crushing me skull.I told me sis to just duck down and look away and say a prayer.I did the same.I said "God,please protect us".Well,the train took like 1 minute to pass us but it felt like 5.

I can still clearly remember the train rushing past,man real adrenaline rush.I told my sis we won't let God exist and live if we don't take chances.Of course putting him to the test on purpose is different.Now,I believe in His love for us even more.Hope anyone reading this will get some too. At the park,first we went to a sulphur mountain.There were lotta vents releasing a lotta sulphur.Looked like a part of the mountain was blown off and there were sulphur deposits all around.Then we went to the Taroko gorge.It was real huge.It was a canyon like a few km long and the walls on the both sides were bout 200-300M high.

We were walking along a road cut in the sides of the wall.The patterns in the side of the wall were really excellent.There were many layers to it.We went to a river then.The water was blue.Some of it was muddy because of the typhoon the last week,but that part was still blue.Must be the mineral deposits in it.I had to swim in it.Couldn't resist it.

The water was excellent!!!Super clear,but a bit milky.And the best thing, it was sky blue.Swam like 50 metres up and down.Parts of the river was deeper than me height. We then had a barbecue on a beach after the National Park.The barbecue was cool cause it came in this pre-packed containers with spices and all.It was now me birthday!!19 Aug. I had the best birthday of me life, 21 some-more man. Dunno why they pick that number to be special.There were huge waves on the beach.The sand was black.

The waves were bout 1-2 meters tall.Superb ones.I waited for em and as they came,I jumped on em and swam with em.Real coollll..Then,I slept on my stomach and was dragged back like 20-30 metres before another wave smashed into me.

hhhhhAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!Happy Birthday!!Then I bathed off the salt water with some dripping shower cause there was not nuff water. AHAHHAHAHAH!!!! Happy Birthday!! It was time to go back by now,we stayed at a kindergarten and a high school in the Hua Lieng area.The kindergarten was good,had a lotta fun stuff for the kids to do and it also had the seven dwarfs.The high school had basketballs and I had a go with em at night.This was the night before me birthday.

The night before,17,we stayed at the kindergarten.Stle the kids blankets and comforters to sleep for the night,cause there were no beds,only our sleeping beds. On our way to the airport,we stopped over to give a Indonesian bishop,Bishop Augustine.The whole AYMM team were there.They were having a massive competition for MR and MS AYMM.Some priests were dancing.Pretty sporting of em.One priest did one real funky chicken dance.

The crowd like it though.He did the same dance when we were at Fu Jen on the last night.He won. Long live the weirdoes.I met Anu there again.Cool,cause I was just thinking of her in the bus.Thinking why in the world I dinna ask to talk/walk around with her on the last night after the dance.Well not too late.But we had so little time.We reached there at 11.00PM,but had to leave at 11.30.I talked to her and asked to dance but they stopped the music by then.Dang it.Only we were dancing.Had to stop.

She kept saying it was so hot.Or was it me?Asked out side to show me round the building.Then as we were going outta the room,the whole AYMM gang started singing a birthday song for me.Ahhhh!!Cooolnesss againnn....Like ppl from 10 diffrent countries singing for me... hmmmm...good stufff.I then grabbed Anu's hand to say goodbye and she grabbed with both her hands to say HB Day to me.Ahhhh...that wraps it up for being the best birthday for me,maybe ever. We had to leave by then.There was a lotta crying and Fr Fabian couldn't handle his tears. I felt like crying too.But I control macho.

Only cried later in the bus..Nah..I dinna lah.. But I was missing em already. Our flight was at 7.00AM.Slept on the bus on the way to the airport.I am really gonna miss TAiwan!!!,or should I say, am missing. I was arrested at the KLIA ariport cause I bought a bb beretta replica gun.By the Narcotics dept.They said it wazs a random check.Don't think so.Me friend got held too.They took his gun,they dinna see mine.

They started firing the gun like crazy then.Nutcos.Yahoooo....happy birthday again...

Sarawak-dalat

2004-12-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to write something about my experiences in Dalat for some time now. Finally, here I am doing it.I'll get straight to it. We (my workmate and her collage friends) left for Sibu from KLIA on 22 December and reached Dalat on the 23 after a 3 hour boat ride that would usually take only 1.5 hours. Our boat sprang a leak on the Rejang River, but the boat man, Sylvester managed to do a good patch up job with some bitumen and a well placed piece of wood. Luckily, he was well prepared. Either way, I was all ready to take a dive into the river, the other passengers in the boat were pretty calm.

The water was not too clean though, more like some "teh tarik". I asked my friend, Alice, would she be able to swim across the huge river if the boat capsized just before the boat decided to leak after it hit a drift wood. We took a small river into Dalat but the river was at low tide then and it was really shallow.What would have taken 30 mins took 1 hour.

But we enjoyed watching the villagers and their wooden homes on stilts while we were standing/sitting on the boat. Reaching there, we were pretty impressed, the church where we were to spend our time look really good for a Church by the River. We went up to our dorms and I had the whole men's dorm to myself. I was the only guy in the whole group. Good thing or bad? I am still figuring that out.

The local Melanaus luckily spoke Malay and understood us well enough. I was expecting to see the typical way the orang asli were portrayed, with blow-pipe,loincloth and topless women.I couldn't be further off target. The women followed the Baba Nyonya way of dressing (with kebaya top and sarong) while the men wore the usual KL fare of slacks and shirts, some of them wearing batik. We learned later that different tribes are at different stages of "development".

The Penans and Ibans were pretty much like they were those days but I saw 100 year old pictures in the homes of the Melanaus and even then they wore the same clothes they wear today. I guess this is from the fact they are a river dwelling tribe and thus met a lot of traders (such as the Malay and Chinese traders) early on, before the other tribes. They are a very soft spoken people and they tend to be quite, maybe because of the way I looked (I am pretty tall and they were on average pretty short).

But I saw that they were a really very open, simple, kind hearted and gentle kind of people.The kind of people who won't make a peep even when their land was being stolen from their under their very noses.Maybe God was speaking of the Melanaus when He said "The meek shall inherit the earth". Christmas was good, very cheery and festive, the whole community joining in the celebration. I followed the the priests around, doing home visits. The first 10 homes were very interesting, with almost the same sweets and cakes being served.

After that till the 55th home, it all tasted the same to me. Add to that the continuos flow of beer and sometimes tuak, I was beginning to feel like Fr Romeo (who had this huge beer belly) if not starting to look like him.I was this short from the locals calling me Fr Romeo.One of them even started calling me Father after seeing me follow them around for so long.But everyone of the homes we visited, we we really treated well. If only the KLites were half as sweet. Their style of cooking was a fusion between Malay and Chinese food, but more towards the Chinese style.

I really think those river traders had a hand in this.They mainly worked at growing sago trees, or working on off-shore oil rigs.Sometimes, they worked for logging companies. Sad to see the very people whose land are being stolen are now used to shave it clean. How do we justiy what it is to be what we called "civilised" or "developed"? Will these people be as sweet as they are now after the draw of money and the spoils of the earth poison them? I am sure in the eyes of God, these simple pure people were much more "richer" compared to all of us KLites with our fancy handphones and equally fancy "Star Bucks" lifestyles.

But of course, this is just ole' Monkey Boy talking, maybe someone out there could enlighten me on the meaning of this "Real Life" which the world keeps shoving down our throat through the mega-machine called the "Media". Well, I had the most "lepaking" time there. Time really flew past and soon, one week was gone. I really miss the simple, pure people,the good food,the slow life,the smiling faces on the kids and adults,the 3 superb priests who were among the best priests I met so far.

They were really down to earth, simple, honest,what we see is what we get and they had a real funky sense of humour. Maybe because they were Redemptorist or maybe some of the Melanau magic rubbed off on them. Then we gave all of em big hugs and were on our way out.3 of us had to leave earlier on, but me and Alice stayed on to check out Taman Negara Bako, just 40 minutes bus ride from Kuching.

I really made up for all of my "lepak blues" there.We saw some really awesome foliage,pit viper,bearded wild boar,silver-leaf monkey,common macaques,one huge monitor lizard,the famous proboscis monkey, 7 different types of pitcher plants (periuk kera ). The only way to the park was through a coastal route along the beach as it was inaccessable through roads. With it still being the monsoon season, the South China Sea was still rough with some huge waves.

The boatman said the day before, a boat capsized taking the passenegrs with it cause it hit a huge freak wave.They were badly injured.armed with this knowledge, I was really hyped up about going on!,but Alice was not very thrilled.Ahhh...what joy to be hit by a huge wave. But we had no such luck. Only medium sized ones which the boatman deftly weaved in between.

We could see the huge waves breaking far off in the distance and I realised we were heading right there.There were a few good wallops the boat took. When we were at the crest of the wave, I waited in anticipation, that moment when we hung in the air, still, the calm before the storm.Then the WHACK!! of the base of the boat hitting the water. I laughed out loud and Alice went "WHOOOOOO!!" and laughed too.

Oh, what bliss.Later on we heard from the canteen owner that the boatmen gained confidence from the way the passengers reacted to the waves.I guess we did the right thing.Lucky we didn't cry.The boatman said just that morning there were passengers crying in fear... All good things must come to an end, and we landed on the beach. It sure looked like paradise. There was this really superb waterfalls and one secluded beach where there were these huge 2m waves we dashed into and it really overwhelmed me.I was rolling underwater.

Then it was to the waterfalls and it was just the most amazing waterfall I ever saw.Looked like a Japanese garden with ultra-clear brown tanin tainted water and when I stood still, fishes with long flowing fins came pecking at my toes and legs.

The sun rays shining through the water as they pecked really gave it an outer-worldly feeling.AWESOME!! We did the usual jive, Kuching-Sibu-KLIA.

Had a bottle of Royal Tuak break in my baggage,spreading the fine smell in between the equally fine threads of my fancy slacks and every article of clothing in my luggage. Not forgetting the finely grounded glass from the bottle giving the clothes some fine body, although a bit on the rough side of things.The glass bits slashed slightly through the palm sugar and coffee packs I bought, giving the smell a more rounded tinge.

Yeah, I had people sniffing the air too, trying to locate the aroma wafting through the air as I took the LRT and bus back home. I could go on and on and there are lots more stories,but I have to help mom wash the toilet.GTG..Hope you guys enjoyed my story. TATAR and TAKE CARE!!

Taman Negara

2004-12-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

Went to Taman Negara and Cherating Beach.Left on wednesday bout 8.30 am and then went to Kuala Tembeling.Went with Mervin , Rueban,Raymond, Adrian,Sister,Uncle Anthony, me father and some other people.The river was huge and it was pretty dirty.Like the color of tea,with milk that is.When we reached there,we pitched the tents,2 small ones and one big one.6 ppl in the big one and 3 each in the small ones.

Then we went swimming at Latah Simpon (I think ) and the water this time was dark coffe without the milk. Anyway we then went night jungle trekking and saw this glow in the dark mushrooms.When we shone the torchlight at em they glowed even brighter.There was these glow in the dark fungus too.But it was black when the lights were on.Weird stuff.

But the stars were really clear.It was absolutely excellent.We then went to the hideout tower bout 20 minutes walk.Didn't see any animals at first with the lights off,but as we wanted to leave,I shone the light on the edge of the salt lick are and saw the reflection of 2 eyes.I thought at first they were from the same animal.But then actually they were from 2 separate but same species animal.One of em kept opening both it's eyes when I flashed the light at it.

But it was so dark we couldn't figure out what animal it was.But it looked like a deer or something but at the same time it was too big to be an deer and the eyes were quite far apart. On the first night,before sleeping,I was out on the mat watching the stars.There were double the amount of stars compared to the clearest night in KL.

25/1/2004 THURSDAY

The first morning,we went to a cave called Gua Telinga.The opening looked real small an dark(but of course).The cave was filled with yucky smelling guano and lotsa bats.There was only 2 torchlights among the 12 of us.But had to depend on that only.Made it more exiting.At the end we had to crawl out of this crevice like 1 feet wide and about a 70 degree angle.I stayed back to give some a boost up.Luckily it was pretty okay for me.Not 1 feet wide....yet.

I decided to run down to the boats waiting for us at the Tembeling river. At one junction,I asked me dad which way to take and he said the Kuala Tahan way.So I ran and ran but the way back seemed much longer than when we came.Then I realised I took the wrong way.Arghhh!!I was thinking,nevermind,just follow the track and I'll be okay.I saw a family pass me and I asked weather there was a river further down.

Luckily,they said yes.At this point,I would be thankful if I just managed to reach camp. Along the way ,I saw a Great Argus,it's the biggest peasant in the world.Was very lucky to see it.It was at the side of the trail when I approached.I slowed down me running and it went across the trail.It was bout 2 metres from head to tailend.Real magnificent. Then again nature called and it was a big one.I had to unload it off the track.Uhhhh had to use some leaves to you know...But nice,I was really one with nature then.

So I walked and jogged bout another 2.5 km then at last saw the river.I thought of just taking the boat across the river and going back to camp.I waited bout a few minutes and,luckily,me dad and me friends were just coming past to go to another river,the Latah Berokoh river.I would have missed the best ride of the whole trip if I got to camp and just waited there. We then went along the river and it was the best boat ride I had in me life.The water was clear but it was a dark coffee colour.

The whole ride took us 45 minutes upstream and 30 minutes downstream.We reached a bathing spot and spent bout 45 minutes there.The water current was real strong and I could lean forward in the water with me arms open and the water would hold me upright.At one point I was swimming against the current and no matter how hard I swan I kept moving back.

When I went upright I couldn't tough the ground,luckily I grabbed unto a huge fallen tree trunk in the water.It was real coool and we had a water fight with 6 on a group.Then it was bout 1.30 and we were all hungry.Me dad had some peanuts and the 12 of us finished the whole 1 kg of it.Peanuts for lunch.The way back,I was sleeping back in the boat and could look at the sky and branches passing over head.

At one part,the both tips of the trees from both sides of the river was touching each other.Man...it was real picturesque.Looking back at it,it seemed more like a dream than reality.It had this fantasy etheral feeling.The best part of the whole trip. Then we went to the canopy walkway which was 500 metres long and 120 feet up.Yup,really enjoyed that one.

The people had to be 5-10 metres apart and there were about 7 platforms between the trees.I counted the time it took for me saliva to reach the ground from the highest point.It took bout 3.5 seconds.Pretty long for a freefall.We then went to Bukit Terasek to get a view of the place.I ran up again.Was really tired when I reached up but the view was pretty good.I shouted to release some tension and 4 Hornbills flew across the ravine I was looking asross on the hill .

Must do more shouting the next time.I then ran back again to the campsite. The toilets were really dirty,so much so I would really have preferred to have done me thing in the jungle.And I did,well at least once.Then me ,me sis and dad went to have a proper lunch.We bought some bananas and rambutans.I ate like 5 big ones and we I had this .

The last night I found it hard to sleep cause the ground was really lumpy and woke up like 7-8 times.But at last ,when I slept,I had to wake up cause the boat leaving for Kuala Tembeling would pick us up at 9.00.

26/1/2004 Friday

We left at 8.50 am and reached Kuala Tembeling at 10.40am ,bout 1 hour 50 minutes.I managed to finish a book called Godspeed.Pretty good book.Saw buffaloes,cows and orang asli's along the river bank.Quite a few Kingfishers too.We reached a place called De Rhu beach near Cherating beach at 5.30,but the water was worse than the Klang River and PD.

Reallly BADDDD...We then went to a better place near to Club Med,bout 1 km from it.The water was much better and we managed to find a toilet and water supply so we set up camp. At this time it was about 6.30 and I just jumped in the water.I had a real fun time till 8.30.The others too had good fun.We banged against the waves and jumped over it and I tried body surfing the waves but it was too small.But I did make a lotta splash.

When we saw a big wave we would all shout "Big One!!,Big One!!".When it was dark,the whole sky was filled with stars and it was really excellent.I slept on the edge of the beach,near the end of the waves and as the water flowed around my head and body,I watched the stars.I was also the best.

All that I love was there,the stars,the beach and waves.Ahhhhhh....dreamy indeed.All that was needed was the girl of me dreams beside me and it would have been complete.But then,I would have though I was dead and gone to heaven.When we were about to get out,my friend,Rueben was washing off the sand from his pants and he saw this stuff sparkling on his pants.

He told us and we went mad splashing the water on our pants and body.I was especially mad bout it.I guess it was flourescent plankton.I slept on the beach that night.Below the stars.Ahhhh.....Superbo!!But some sand bugs kept biting me and keeping me awake.It was too cold at one point and I went to the tent and got me jeans.

27/1/2004 Saturday

I woke up at 7.00 am and swam at 7.30 till 12.30.Got the burn from there.Before that,me friends and I climbed a small hill after walking bout 1.5 km along the beach to get a look at some nude/topless uhhhh....tourists we heard could be seen in Club Med.Ahhh the distance guys would go to see some nudies.Sometimes I suprise meself.Saw a few in bikinis but dinna see any thing less.

The frustrating thing is when we were on the hill,a topless tourist was walking along the beach.The 11-15 old kids got a eyeful but we dinna cause they were in the sea swimming when she and her bf walked past.When we came back and found out,I and another friend of mine ran and cut her off and pretended to be swimming and got an eyeful ourselves.Man...20 years old only now seeing some tops live.The 11 old guy,just celebrated his birthday that day and already he gotta eyeful.

Me friend Rueben trailed em and pretended he was picking some sea shells.When they passed, he asked weather they picked any seashells.Then he asked em where they were from.They said they were from France, Paris .Real good move there,too bad I wasn't there. Wonder which eyes he talked to.Ahhh... that was that and we left at bout 1.00 pm after packing the tents and all.We mad it back by 7.00 pm..

What a trip.I was glad to be home and at the same time sad to leave all the excellent times I had.

experience

2004-12-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

life is filled with experiences, everything on this site is and experience, but here are some of my travelling stories. i love travelling and here are some of my adventures travelling around. i sure am waiting for lots more stories to come along